I know every male in this industry owns at least one Fleshlight. If you don’t have one, you can get a bargain on one from BB Wolfe. I hear he sells them used. In bulk too.
Wank Game Proper
So you’re pounding your pud, day in and day out, but you feel unsatisfied.
“How come I don’t get the satisfaction of beating my meat like I used to? When I was a young teen, it used to be fun. Now it’s mundane and boring. It feels like a chore!” Fuck it, I can’t even count to 7 in one second.
What’s missing?
As affiliates, we’re all about the numbers!
That’s right ladies and gents – now choking your chicken can be a competition!
Introducing the Onahole
The Onahole is basically your run-of-the-mill Fleshlight, but with a twist! This thing actually counts your “strokes.”
Leave it up the Japanese to come up with this downright, dirty shit.
Hiroshi ‘Chocoball’ Mukai—former professional wrestler, current male pornographic star, and eternal hero to all ‘wankers’ worldwide—set a world record of 426 strokes in one minute.
Can you beat that? Probably not. That’s like 7 strokes a second. I had to bust out a calculator for that. I don’t think I can clap my hands that fast.
Playing Call of Duty is for nerds! Have a stroke-off with your friends.
Put your stroke count on your Plenty of FIsh profile. The ladies love that shit!
Tell your disappointed parents that you reached a new personal best in stroking! They’ll forget about trying to get you to move out of their basement. Make ‘em proud, sailor!
Finally! An excuse to open my jar of Slap Happy Cream sent courtesy of AKMG.
On your marks…
Get Set….
Beat Beat Beat!
Thanks to Convert2Steve for this tip. He says he “heard about it on the radio.” Don’t worry, the offer will be live by the end of the week. Ruck is still doing some “Get the fuck out of my office! I’m testing it!”
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