Archive for the ‘Hilarity’ Category

PPC.bz keepin it’s ears to the streets. Here is a leaked e-mail from Dennis Who.

Guys,

I’ve decided that I’m going to step down from this panel– there is just too much noise and it’s starting to hurt Shawn and Missy, who are good people and don’t deserve to be slandered. With guys like Alex and Markus on the panel, it will still be an amazing discussion about viral loops and monetization, and clearly DK and Jim know their stuff. And that is the right thing for the folks who are paying good money to attend Affiliate Summit– they are paying for insights, not a circus.

I’m going to write a blog post saying that I’ll be stepping down from the panel. In a different setting, we’ll deal with the attacks on my integrity as well as that of the rest of us.

Thanks,
Dennis Who
Chief Executive Officer, ButtLocal

Thoughts?

If you’re not spending 15 hours a day playing the new Modern Warfare 2, you’re obviously not making 7 figures an hour.

Proof that Modern Warfare 2 was made for affiliates:

The crazy motherfuckers behind CPA Hustle are back again with another instant classic.

This time, our friend who owns a street food cart, runs into issues with his Acai berry + Colopure combo that he is feeding to his customers.

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It must be Prank Week in the affiliate marketing industry. This is a gem from Convert2Media. Steve pranks some punk ass motherfucker.

You have to listen to it all. It’s golden. GOLD JERRY GOLD!

We’re looking for Ninja Optimization.

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Damn! This some good automation!

The boys at CPAHustle.com call up Mike Filsaime’s office for some help. It’s fucking hilarious, and I have pretty high standards when it comes to funny.

Hit play below:

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Yes I know this is old, but the first time I saw this I had tears running down my face. If you haven’t seen it, you will die laughing.

Also I’m out of things to post about.

I saw this comical article from some random twitter follower. I don’t know if you’re familiar with FluxAds (I’m not), but who cares.

If you want to read the post first, here is “Tips from an AM“. But for this post I am going to comment on a few choice lines of text.

Let’s get started. This post isn’t a knock on FluxAds, but all Affiliate Managers in general.

It seems to me that publishers are getting more and more hostile towards us Account Managers.

Well, stop hiring morons off the street to run your network. I don’t care how hot she is, how friendly and cool he may be, it doesn’t matter. Believe it or not affiliate marketing is fairly specialized and requires some technical know-how. If I ask an AM a question and they give me a retarded answer, well, I wish they’d invent that machine that slaps people over the internet already.

While the job description is no tougher than flipping burgers (i.e. placing pixels), a decent marketing / computer skillset couldn’t hurt.

If I email you an offer that I think would do well with your site or traffic I am sending you this offer because I think it will make you money and not because I need traffic to that particular offer. It just doesn’t work that way. Don’t automatically assume that I just need traffic to a certain offer just because I am recommending it.

Waaaaah! I will automatically assume you want traffic to a certain offer. That’s why I get 432 e-mails a day from various networks (mostly xy7) with their offers. Once in a blue moon I’ll get something relevant from an AM, but for the most part this shit just go to my junk box.

Oh wow… another Google Biz Opp and Acai Berry Chew Tablet! Who gives a fuck. There are a fucking million of them. Why don’t you just tell me the three that convert the best and shave the least?

We are not here to screw you out of leads, take your leads, shave your leads, or cheat you out of money. That is just not our business model. Our business model is to make money with you and to help your business grow so that our business grows.

Yes. All networks say this. Highest payouts, best support, most exclusive offers. Yawn motherfucker. Now, you may not be in the business of shaving leads, but those fuckin’ advertisers know when to flip the switch on the Auto-Shaver 5000^TM.

If a network really wanted to make a difference they’d get to the bottom of the scrubbing and shaving nonsense. That’s why I support C2M, because Ruck will kill a motherfucker fuckin’ with publishers’ money. He’s a stone cold killer, but jolly at the same time.

Let it be known that there are many qualified affiliate managers out there among many networks. But stop bitchin, affiliates pay the bills.

What are a man’s two favorite things in the world? Why it’s sports and Billy Mays of course! Get your double dose of Billy “The Motherfuckin’ Man” Mays right here:

This is too good not to post!