Archive for the ‘People that Suck’ Category

I’m a little late to this story, but fuck it. It’s pretty funny.

SaltyDroid released this probably-not-meant-to-be-leaked audio about Andy Jenkins talking with Jeff Walker.

Now, I don’t really know or care who Andy Jenkins is. I heard the name before. All I know is that he is some guru in a “syndicate” that makes their living selling snake oil to people. Jeff Walker had something to do with Stompernet yadda yadda yadda I don’t really give a fuck. Borrrrring.

I know that most PPC.bz readers are beyond the buying-into-guru-products phase, so I won’t bore you with how lame guru launches are or how people are stupid to buy them. I think we’re all past this point in our lives. I will try to entertain you with commentary on some of the content of this audio, though.

Doing a little bit of research while writing this post, I found out that Video Boss is not a new product and it was released earlier this year. So, they aren’t talking about a new product launch. I’m not sure how old the audio in that case, but it doesn’t matter.

You can listen to the audio below. It’s a pretty epic peek into the world of guru.

If you listened to the audio, there were some pretty comical points.

Guru Product Pricing

I think this Andy Jenkins character believes his bullshit a little too much. Be a boss with “Video Boss.” You must have it to be anything in the world of video marketing.

So Andy packages the fluff and basically throws darts at a board to pick a price. $500, $2,000, $3,000, who gives a fuck, people will pay!

Let me break down the course for you (without ever seeing it… I’m a mind-reader)
1. Make videos in bulk.
2. Post to youtube and pixelpipe
3. ….
4. Profit?

The fucked up part was when he mentioned a “$5,000 per Month Master Mind Group.” Since this is ‘old news,’ I have no idea if this Mastermind Group ever came to fruition.

If anyone out there was so out of their mind to pay this clown $5,000 a month to listen to Andy Jenkins breath through his mouth, I’d like to have a word with you:

What the fuck is wrong with you? What kind of crack are you smoking? How fucking gullible are you? Please kill yourself and leave your money to charity in your will. Seriously, jump off a bridge. Thank you.

I think overall, as the quality of these guru-products goes down (how much more information can you really re-hash?), they try to justify it by raising the prices. “If we raise the prices, we increase the perceived value!” “It has to be good if it costs as much as a brand new Apple computer!” These prices have gotten so high that its almost laughable that anyone pays for guru products, but apparently people still do.

If you want to sell a course on something for $50 a month, $100 a month, $200 a month, or flat-fee, then that’s fine. Go for it. Guru or not, fuck it- make loot. My problem with this shit is when you start hitting $2,000 flat-fee and $5,000 “mastermind group” up-sells.

There was a quote in the audio saying, “They think we are evil for charging a lot of money.”

The target market for these products are individuals who want to buy into the dream. They are close to broke and want a way out, or maybe own a struggling business and want to increase their business or move into online marketing all together. Most people can survive a $50 hit, or a $200 hit. Even a few hundred bucks. You can sucker a lot more people at lower price points.

But as the price points skyrocket, you will sell less, but rape more. Even though you’ll sell less units overall, you are fucking the individuals that bought into your shit that much harder.

I don’t know, but do these gurus get their rocks off to fucking over gullible people? Like if they find a “customer” that they bilked for over $10,000, is that like a milestone? Is that something they will conference call each other for?

“Hey guys let’s compare notes on the suckers with the saddest stories, and how much we raped them for! 5 points for every individual you fucked over for $5,000. Bonus points if you fucked over someone for $10,000!”

I’m curious just how badly in debt they’ve gotten their favorite customers- the suckers that will buy over and over and over….

And don’t get it twisted, I don’t have an any problem with a $5,000 or $10,000 price point IF THE CONTENT IS WORTH IT. People like Jay Abraham and Tony Robbins can warrant these kinds of fees because they actually deliver value. The fact that scumbags like Andy Jenkins think they are on the same level as true gurus, is fucking disgusting.

If something costs $5,000 and it generates $10,000 for you, that’s just good business. The unfortunate part is that none, if any, of the guru products justify close to anywhere near these kinds of price points.

(Just FYI, Shoemoney promoted this.) lawl.

Blowback

The tail end of the audio goes into talking about blow-back from the “community.” It appears to me that they have the WarriorForum on lock. Warrior Forum is a gurus wet dream, and that community is stupid enough to buy these products over and over.

Despite how stupid WarriorForum actually is, there are few people there with some common sense. But if they want to go on a rant or leave a bad review for a guru launch, they are quickly shut down. “Don’t worry about Warrior Forum….” the gurus say. Since people get banned their for talking shit, the discussion has moved to blogs.

The gurus go on to rant about this SaltyDroid fellow. While I don’t read saltydroid (the less I read about WarriorForum the better), I gotta give him props for getting up the ass of the gurus. They call him a “pimple on our butt.”

Well, just to increase the size of the pimple on their asses, I am going to lend a helping hand with some links:

Andy Jenkins Review
Jeff Walker Review

I think these gurus are starting to realize where their greed has led them. Just because you put your courses on more DVDs, doesn’t mean the content is any better (Seriously some of these products have like 40 DVDs). Just because you raise your prices sky high doesn’t mean the percieved value is equally higher.

I think the general consensus is, even though its taken forever, that people are starting to realize just how bad they’re being fleeced.

By the way, Andy Jenkins loves mushrooms. I take back every bad thing I just said about him.

You can catch more of this discussion on Wickedfire.

Here Ye, Here Ye!

This is a notice to all of ye (OK I’ll stop with the Middle-Ages speak) who call themselves affiliates. It is likely that you are young, male, and doing well for yourself. This post is a warning for you – those who cannot resist the sweet elixir of the punany.

I’ve heard certain rumors and ramblings recently that sparked interest in this post. You hear the rumors that women in the affiliate marketing industry know how to get what they want with their sexual cunning, and using the men in it to get what they want. They are just rumors, right? Well, when it happens to people you know then it becomes real.

And we all know what happens on PPC.bz when shit gets real.

When these vixens are done with the man and everything he has to offer – he is dropped like garbage in a bin. I also hear about it all the time. One of my friends was recently dropped in a bin during the last industry show. I want him to be really vengeful, but this post warning others is a safer, civilized route. The higher route, if you will.

Let’s be honest … not many young men can resist sweet sweet vajayjay (not even Oprah’s). It takes a while for men to realize that many women are out only for themselves. It is particularly bad in the affiliate marketing industry. Everything you know about women using and abusing men for material things and favors is multiplied 10 times in affiliate marketing. Why? Because you have something they specifically want (traffic and friends) and they are pretty sure they can get it (hot young female has a certain power over a mildly nerdy young male).

So how can you prevent this “pussy-trap”? If you think it can’t happen to you … then chances are it already has!

Here are some warning signals to look out for when dealing with females in affiliate marketing. Sure, they may be friendly, cute and even sexy. But tread carefully. You could just be a little plaything.

Warning 1: Send Traffic

This isn’t really a big one, but it’s where it always starts. There are male and female affiliate managers, and they are just doing their jobs. No biggie right?

If you are being pestered day in and day out for traffic, and the requests slow down or just stop – then watch out. Maybe she’ll want to be friends? Hang out at the next show? Maybe something more? The conversation moves onto something unrelated to affiliate marketing. Slowly, she is not as annoying as she used to be.

But always remember what her original motive was.

Warning 2: Flirting

You start the flirting game. Its easy to be a stud-muffin on the computer. The conversion is no longer her begging you for traffic. It’s about something that interests you. “Talk about yourself.” You find out interesting things about her. Maybe a little connection is starting to form?

You meet in person and this is where it gets a little more serious. Did she just rest her boobs on my arm while we were standing at the bar? Why does she keep playing with her hair? She sure looks good in that dress!

Side note: If your AM is married, then you know you’re being played right here. Single girls, fine – it could be lust or love. But with a married girl, 9 out of 10 times she’s just playing games with your head.

Warning 3: Do Things for Me

If your relationship with your affiliate manager friend goes any further, soon you will be asked some mundane requests. Depending on your addiction to the pussy in question, you may do some shit like design their company website or setup a Myspace for her cat.

Either way, you are being weaved into a web. “If I keep doing favors for her, maybe she’ll give me a hand job?”

She’s thinking: “What a fucking sucker.”

Warning 4: Send Friends

Soon you are convinced that the network she works for is the one to work with. “Do you know Affiliate Q?” she asks. You do. You think you are doing her a favor by sending over your friends. Then you tell Affiliate Q, Z, Y, and Z to run at her network.

You may help her setup events that gather affiliates, all under the guise of just meeting up. But all you are really doing is fattening her paycheck.

Warning 5: Buy Things

This is when shit is serious. You’re buying her things like she’s you’re girlfriend. But she’s not really that, is she? She already has everything she wants from you. Your traffic, your friends’ traffic, and your Rolodex.

Getting nice clothes, shoes, underwear, dresses, flowers, DVDs, and other shit is just icing on the cake for her. Damn, that is a lot of icing.

Lesson: Don’t Fuck with Industry Broads

In all seriousness, not every female in affiliate marketing is a conniving bitch. Many are down to earth, cool, and fun to talk to. But the circumstances of our situation (young male breadwinners vs young female goldiggers) mean that these things happen a lot more than you would think.

The old adage, “Don’t Shit Where You Eat” holds true. Don’t do it! Don’t wine and dine. Smash and grab!

Get with regular girls. Girls in bookstores, movie theatres, yoga classes, wherever. It’s a lot less drama this way when the girl in your life doesn’t know, or doesn’t care, what you do for a living.

Now, we all know that I don’t care for gurus and people that make their living selling Warrior Forum Special Offers (If you don’t know what that is, it’s basically e-book peddling on Warrior forum.)

Pushing decent information onto newbies and retards – fine, but pushing shitty, rehashed information onto newbies, that’s just being a bottom-feeding scumbag.

I was introduced to Imran Naseem’s “work” a few months ago by a friend. I chuckled as I saw Imran get furious over someone talking shit about him because he sells garbage to newbies, and it turned into some flame war with lawsuit threats and such.

There has never been a bigger joke in the wanna-be guru space than Imran Naseem. How does he do it?

The Turd Polishing Formula

Guru has big product launch with, believe it or not, good content (Guaher for example.) Many read it, and most won’t make money with said guru product launch. So some decide that they can make money by taking that information, rehashing it, and selling it as there own. (The “Coach” series)

And then there are people who take that rehashed information, rehash it some more, and sell it. Such people are Imran Naseem.

Want to replicate this award winning formula?

Required Skills

The most important personal quality to have is to not actually be an expert, or even a novice, in any of the fields you write about in your e-books. This would be backlink building, making money with Youtube, CPA marketing, making money with dating, Facebook, blackhat, CPALead, flipping websites…. well fuck, anything!

The second important quality to have is knowing how to find shit to steal. This can be accomplished by getting a 5k+ post count on Warrior Forum so you’re an “expert” and can get “review copies plz,” or reading marketing forums like BlackHatWorld and finding a “how-to” or tutorial on making money online.

Once you’ve found something that someone has had success with, you can put it in your e-book. This is where the third quality to have comes in. It’s knowing how to polish your turds!

Someone says they make $100 a day with this strategy? Your product will make them $200! Someone makes $3,000 a month flipping websites? Your product will teach them how to make $10,000 a month!

It’s all about salesmanship! If you feel bad about all these empty promises, then a try using some gay ass graphics.

Step by Step

Let’s cut to the chase. Here is the step-by-step formula.

1. Find Content to Steal – As mentioned above, this is the most important step. Since you’re very unoriginal, finding content that you can rehash and sell is your life blood.
2. Polish Your Turd – Copy paste a forum post or e-book, and put it into your own PDF. Clean up the formatting so it’s not obvious you’re stealing, and change some words around.
3. The Sales Copy – Fake stats by using the same “look at my paypal account go!” screenshots for every product you launch. Yes, even though you may have had success with something back in 2008, you can still re-use these stats for each new launch, no matter how irrelevant.

If you’re having trouble with this, its very easy to fake your stats with plugins like Firebug that let you edit HTML on the fly.

And if you’re even too stupid to figure out how to use a Firefox plugin, just steal Imran’s screenshots! I’ve attached one here for your convenience.

Just look at all those zeros!

Pro-tip: If you want to sell more copies of your e-book, then a good rule-of-thumb to follow is that your Sales Letter should be longer than the actual content of your PDF.

4. Sell it on Warrior Forum & DP, Limit Your Copies – This is scarcity 101! The first 50 people get it for $9. The second 50 people get it for $47. The next 50 get it for $77. So on and so forth. Using scarcity is a ploy that works lovely with online marketing newbies.

And of course you want to sell your product on Warrior Forum and Digital Point, which has a seemingly endless supply of suckers.

5. Sell Only 17 Copies – It’s a week later, and you’ve only sold 17 copies of your product, which is typical when you’re selling shit.

You’re made $153 for all this work, and you feel defeated. “What a bust!” you think to yourself. Most people would stop here and give up on online marketing.

Not Imran Naseem!

Listen, pro bottom feeders don’t give up. No, people like Imran have been doing this for years!

6. Bonus Step 1 – Rinse and Repeat There is just so much content out there to steal, and so many retards on Warrior Forum, that you’d be stupid to not repeat this process for every promotion method, traffic source, and strategy you can think of!

Examples:
Blackhat Buzz Method!
Youtooooobe!
CPA!
Facebook!
DOMAINERS!

ANY-FUCKING-THING! REALLY! YOU DON’T NEED TO BE AN EXPERT IN SHIT!

7. Bonus Step 2 – Sell It On Flippa! This where the profits really roll in!

Let’s say your half-assed product launch goes well. You make $2,500 the first month. The second month you made $500, and the third month about $100. Months 4 through 6 you’ve sold jack shit. Your content is stale and no one really cares about. Worthless huh?

Nope! Not on Flippa!

Set-up a listing for your product, and when it asks you for your “Average Monthly Revenue” just use the revenue numbers from the first month! IT’S FUCKING GENIUS! LOOK!

Ready. Set. Super Scumbag.

I’ve laid out the plan for you in plain English folks. It’s up to you to take action! Imran has been ripping peoples content and selling his shit for too long! It’s time for some new bottom-feeders to take his place!

Take action!!!

Parting Gift: Horrific Rap about Imran

Before you leave, I present to you this horrible rap from / about Imran Naseem.

Believe it or not, thanks to Wee for the heads up on this nonsense.

Another Guru shit bag has come out with a product revealing “secret traffic sources” and promising riches beyond your wildest dreams.

The product is called PPC Ninja CPA Guru Dojo or something.

You can watch the Sales video here without giving up your email address.

I love how he keeps talking about this “secret traffic source” in the video when it is clearly Plenty of Fish.

Anyway, if you want to waste a few minutes of your life that you’ll never get back, watch the video, then opt-in with a spamtrap e-mail. Hmmm… I wonder if that would work? Every time a guru product launches, the collective effort of a bunch of Wickedfire members can be used to opt-in a ton of spamtrap email address, ruining the guru’s account at aWeber.

What I’ve been Saying for Years

PPC Classroom is some newbie training bullshit for learning pee pee see.

Recently, an inside source there helped me rip it to shreds. It’s just more guru bullshit that sells because of the hype. All fluff and no flavor. Lot of sizzle and no steak, as they say. Insert additional cliches here.

So this came to my attention the other day. It’s a video from Anik, who is the man behind PPC Classroom. I was going to embed the video here but it autoplays (tempting to do – but it might annoy far too many people). You can go to Anik’s blog to watch it douche.

Watch it if you want, but I’ll give you a brief summary:

This motherfucker ADMITS to screwing people! ADMITS IT! PPC Classroom screws people because it was sold completely on hype. Amit Mehta made millions with Adwords – so you can too fuckwad! Just prepared to get rebilled every month and learn just enough of the basics so we can say we actually “helped you”!

Anik basically says there were only a few success stories to come out of PPC Classroom. The good majority of their students failed. That’s capital F, as in Fucked in the ass. Well no fucking shit. How far were people supposed to get with watered down material and PPC information from 1992?

The same old story goes for all these guru bullshit products, not just PPC Classroom. They take one success story and milk its for all its worth. This shit is just one big circle jerk designed to fleece newbies over and fucking over.

The fucked up part is that its marketing 101- sell the dream! People will buy into it. This is exactly how shitty As Seen on TV weight loss products work (not all, but most) – no one gets the advertised results by doing whats said in the advertisement. You’re not getting six-pack abs with a belt that electrocutes your stomach… just a fact.

Losing what little faith in society i had left …

So I can’t get mad because this is what I and most readers of this blog do all day. Sell shit people don’t need but think they do.

But I can and will get mad at this- the comments.

The fucking comments on Anik’s post. Holy fucking shit these people make me mad.

Let’s look at some these dumb fucks –

Its about time that someone is taking the time to help out the newbies that are broke and believe in all the hype that is out there. I am one of those and it really is hard to know who to follow and who not to. Thank you for figuring it out and offering the help!!! That is huge! Jodie

Hey Jodie. How about a nice tall glass of shut the fuck up?

It’s about time? Are you fucking high? This motherfucker Anik has been fleecing newbies with hype for years and suddenly he has a change of heart because no one buys into PPC Classroom anymore, and now it’s about time he’s helping broke newbies? Bitch you crazy.

Well to be honest this the one of the few email subject lines that grabbed my attention since I’m overwhelmed by depression for achieving absolutely nothing so far in the IM world and I’ve been around for quite a really relatively long time to be not earning not a dime. but THANK YOU for this video because somehow its a wakeup call to me. Thanks again.

Hey dumb fuck – I think if you haven’t figured it out by now you should proably… you know… give up? I really fucking doubt Anik is going to change your life. I really do.

Seriously give up you stupid failure before you get so depressed you kill yourself.

Thank you. I have no doubt thousands–millions–of hopefuls will benefit from this. My problem has always been STARTING SMALL. Now, I find myself in the position you describe–not bankrupt, but for all practical purposes broke. I can see what to do if I still had money to work with. What I CAN”T see is how to get there starting with ZERO. I at least have an active web hosting account paid for. You teach me how to use it to make the necessary cash, and I’ll BUY anything you have to sell.

You fucking idiot. You’re whats wrong with this whole situation. The last thing this industry needs is millions of “hopefuls” jumping in. Where’s your hosting at? 1and1? Lololol.

Now you sound like someone that can be believed!

:: facepalm ::

Thank You Anik
You don’t know how much this means to me. I have spent about $30000. in one year jumping all over the place, and yes I am about to declare bankrupcy. I have done nothing but trying to learn how but then something new comes along and the rest is history.

The only good of it is now i don’t have the money any more to jump around so now I have to use what I have and that’s it.

You must be one of these retards that lines the guru pockets with money? Say “I” if you’re on more than 20 “make money online” mailing list.

If Frank Kern asked you to pay him to suck his dick, I bet you’d be on your knees, mouth open wide, with a $20 in your hand in less than 5 seconds flat.

GREAT point. Finally somebody is not sucking $$$ from us right away. Thank you!

Yes finally the lord and savior of newbies, Anik Singal, has descended from the heavens! Praise him!

I’m looking forward to your videos, I have a website set up, but not able to work out how to generate cash from it.

Yeah dude. I can’t wait to see what Anik does to help you with your Amazon-affiliate car parts site for a shitty car I’ve never heard of

Is this going to help and work for someone who doesn’t know how to work a computer??? I know how to send out e-mails to friends, but don’t know how to send to people I don’t know in order to build a list, if that is one of the things required then I am Stymied. Or to build a website, is beyond me. In otherwords I am at kindergarten level with computers. Hope you can come to my level of learning for this. Thanks Fred

Fred, you dumb fuck, with my system you can make $500 a day just emailing your friends from Outlook. No having to deal with those new-fangled “link” things and HTML codes.

Anik,What a breath of fresh air! My family is about ready to throw either me or the computer out the window. I have drained my retirement savings buying into program after program but still don’t know how to market and profit.Like many others state. there is information overload but getting from a to b is the main problem. I look foreward to your videos and hope to make that first $500. Millie

Your family should throw you out the window because you are fucking dumb. You are a drain on them, and you risked your life savings on what equates to a spin of the roulette wheel. Do them a favor and jump out yourself.

After three years of really trying to make it work, I hope you can show us “non-proformers” something very simple and easy to do. I’ve tried many ways but getting the right steady traffic is still the biggest hurddle to overcome It was always way too expensive and very time consuming.. PPC only made Google money not me and it is way too competitive for the little guy. I’ve slowly died on the vine from all the past IM hype.HELP I am on the edge of being bankrupt ! Here’s my S.O.S.

PPC is not too competitive for the little guy. The whole point is you can buy as few or as many clicks as you want. Riches have been made over and over with PPC by people in their boxer shorts. You fail because you spend too much time and money reading and buying guru bullshit, instead of getting those clicks.

_____________

The most fucked up part, beyond what these idiots are writing, is that most of their names link back to a website that’s about making money online. If you’re all marketing, SEO super business experts, why the fuck are you leaving comments that proves how little of an expert you actually are.

Fucking clueless people. FUCK.

Peter Parks should be Affiliate Spiderman, not Affiliate Punisher. Get it? Parks. Parker. Peter Parker. Spiderman.

Oh wait… Affiliate marketing already has it’s Spiderman.

If you are very confused right now, I made a post about some guru dipshit product called Affiliate Punisher recently. Today I noticed a comment from the creator himself. You can read the whole rant here

The part I care about is this –

You got balls, if you really got balls, set up a live webinar for your subscribers, I have no problem showing them affiliate marketing campaigns live, because that’s what I do… “LIVE”

So I want to take him up on his offer. I would like to tell all of the “subscribers” on my “list” about this “underground” “opportunity” from Peter Parks the “guru.”

If we can get enough interested people in the comments, perhaps Mr. Punisher will show us all how he’s making monies online.

Clearly this fucking clown used the PPC.bz Guru Product Name Generator to come up with the name for his product.

Seriously? Affiliate Punisher? Are you fucking retarded?

For only $1,997 you too, can learn the basics of internet marketing. Learn how to build a list of people interested in making money online (everybody) and then sell them your shit (basically other people’s Guru shit).

I’ve been listening to this video for giggles for the past …. fuck it seems like hour. Affiliate Punisher is a huge crock of shit. If you listen to this, its line after line of after bullshit. Seriously, it’s pretty fucking funny.

This guy wants to show you today (once you buy the product of course)
1) That he was homeless
2) That he made money online jerking off all the other Gurus
3) How to jack other peoples adds, add “killer content” and attract “buyers”
4) 3 “secret” websites that he uses to make monies online. (Probably Google’s research tools, Ebay Pulse, etc etc – shit everyone knows but he is selling for close to 2 G’s)
5) FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!

I swear to god, affiliate marketing is becoming more and more like MLM everyday.

Exhibit A:

5 PM EST

Mr. Yu said “The traditional agency model can’t adapt to these changes and in our interview we’ll discuss the mechanics of the new model”