How a Filthy Crack Whore Becomes a Millionaire Overnight
I kept my mouth shut when every person with a list promoted this Get FB Ads Free bullshit. Not because I have any respect, it’s just so fucking awful it would take me hours to dissect all of the bullshit, when I don’t have that kind of time. The guy in that video is so fucking pretentious and conceited I want to choke him out. “I have no idea how you landed on this secret access page …” Get fucking real you tool. I’d just be too angry by the end of writing any piece about it i’d just give up on online marketing entirely.
The rest of the video just drones on and on …. watch at your own risk. Without buying the product you know what you’ll get – some generic Facebook information, 51 upsells to other products that can make you $xxx,xxx every month with just a push of a button blah blah blah. (Just FYI for any newbs reading this, no you can’t get Facebook Ads free.)
One Click Slut Profits
Anyway, this shit arrived in my spambox today. IS YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!
Basically someone has taken the guru launch formula and put their own slutty spin on it. The success of most guru launches has always relied on the “story” and the numbers. How big and unbelievable the numbers on the sales page can get depends on the product, and the story is usually some schlep getting out of debt now they’re buying cars for everyone like they’re MC Hammer.
But this particular “Stripped Down Profits” sales page makes me face palm. I’m almost speechless at how ridiculous this is and I must share it with you.
The video in itself is a slap in the face. “Pretty girls like me will always have someone to take care of them … ” Hey listen skank, you’re not really that hot to begin with. I give you 7.5 at best and you’re clearly reading off a cue card. But I don’t want to get too mean since you’re clearly a paid actress and failure like Imran Naseem is probably behind the camera.
Blackmailing Gurus into One Button Profits
The landing page copy is the kicker. Read this shit:
These were the guys who couldn’t get enough of the Spearmint Rhino…
And couldn’t get enough of me and a few of my girls… (Doubtful… there are 200 girls in that place. Plenty of fish in the sea and you’re some nasty three eyed trout)
And It’s amazing what these guys will say and do to get in your pants…
I was showered with gifts…offers of free paid vacations around the world.. and more… (what a sad group of gurus we have to look up to)
Each one trying to outdo each other..for my affection….
But they’d never have me… it was fun…for a while…
But it got old fast.
One night I’ve had enough!
…I was just fed up with not being able to tell my parents or anyone else what I actually did for a living…..
And I didn’t think couldn’t take one more night of being the ‘fondling dummy’…
I cornered one of these dude as he was trying to make another move on me..
“keep your gifts and your vacations…”
None of that stuff changes a damn thing for me..”
I need to get out of this Hell!
And you KNOW how to take me there…
Show me so I can do it MYSELF..”
By the look the guys face he’d clearly never been talked to this way by a woman..
“I Want Your System … The one you use to generate money while you party the night away”
When I said that he literally laughed me off like I was a child…
And said, get this…
“pretty girls like you..shouldn’t be messing around with this stuff..you’d never understand it..”
Blackmail isn’t my style…But I was desperate..
“And pretty boys like you shouldn’t be caught on camera doing drugs…spending the night with strippers..when they’re married with 3 kids..”
“If I don’t get that software…someone in your family might “accidentally” see that video….and I’d hate for it to be your wife”
And as I suspected…this rich creep caved in like an igloo on the sunset strip.
He says give me 7 days…“you’ll never need to work this joint again…I promise you that”
Just give me some time to get it ready.”
That was cool.
But I doubted he’d really deliver. So I totally forget about it for a while…
How’s that old saying go? Give a man a fish you feed him for a day? Teach a man to fish, you feed him for a lifetime? So, Give a stripper a diamond bracelet you smell like fish for a day. Teach a stripper one click profits you won’t get blackmailed? Something like that…
OK two things.
1) I need to know who these gurus are that just love cocaine and strippers. Haley clearly states that there is a Clickbank syndicate disregarding currency and acquiring cocaine, so who the fuck is it?! Cause I need to party with them.
In the video she calls out gurus with “The next time a guido sells you some software…” Wow pretty harsh. All gurus are filthy guidos all the sudden? While they’re slimebags no doubt, I don’t think they’re all Italian. Let’s keep the derogatory guido comments for the Jersey Shore where it belongs.
2) I’m doubtful that’s how the real conversation went. It’s true that a lot of ballers end up at the Spearmint Rhino, especially during conference time like Leadscon and Affiliate Summit West.
But I sincerely doubt that a Rhino stripper has ever muttered the words “I want your system for push button profits…”
Whenever a stripper starts a sentence the words with “I want … ” it usually goes like …
“I want to give you some private dances baby … ”
“I want to suck your cock for $300 … ”
“I want you to stop putting your greasy hands on me …”
This Haley does have some balls though and “exposes” all the guru secrets in the video. Apparently the guru syndicate likes to have launch parties at the Spearmint Rhino (actually true) but then reveals some more “behind the scenes” chatter.
I use the term “exposes” loosely because this is clearly a reverse psychology ploy. The creator of this product knows what they’re doing by calling bullshit on other products, claiming that other guru products laugh at you, etc etc. and “My product is better for reason XYZ.” Don’t fall for this shit newbs.
“Useful idiots” is the term to describe people who buy into guru product launches. They laugh at you because they just package up generic plugins and software, spruce it up a bit with a convincing landing page (although 95% of the stats are and stories are fake as shit), then sell the shit to the masses. “We’re selling women their own fat asses back to them…”
The irony is she rants against “bullshit software” and “scammy products” that promise a lot but deliver little, but this is exactly what “her” product is. Push on button, make $90. Push a few more buttons, make $493,209! It really is that simple folks.
I give this product launch a 6/10 for originality. It gets 2 points because it’s exactly the same as every other product launch, and 5 more points for the broken down stripper pitch. I subtract one point because I’m pretty sure this is the stripper who got glitter on me that I couldn’t get off for 3 days. BITCH!