From Newbcakes to NickyFakes in Less Than 6 Months

December 9th, 2008 by Barman Leave a reply »

Still slinging them acai berries without success? Well here is a little guide on how to turn yourself from a Newbcakes into a Nickyfakes in less than 6 months. I was originally going to sell this as an E-book because I need to pay child support, but fuck it i’m feeling generous today. That kid can starve.

First Month: Building Readership
1. Start a Blog
2. Post some useful information like advertising on Facebook when it first comes out
3. Get DDOS’ed because you pissed people off for stomping on their traffic source.
4. Post some more useful shit, then stop for like half a year.
5. Because of your internet e-thug status, proceed to get more than 1,000 readers.
6. Start an IRC channel.

Jumping the Wee Shark
Here’s the part that actually makes you monies.

7. Here is where you switch your game up, and start posting Andrew Wee style. Stop posting useful information. Make fun of everyone for link bait.
8. Proceed to sign up everybody under the sun under your affiliate links.
9. Collect Commissions.
10. PROFIT!
11. Go on vacation in the Caribbean

If you can’t make money with this strategy, then fuck you, I HATE YOU

12 Responses

  1. beernuts says:

    holy shit I am going to be rich! blog time motherfuckers.

  2. productionhead says:

    ginger ale & quail = yum

  3. deStone says:

    this is the gospel.

  4. Zac Johnson says:

    I WANT A NICKY JUMPT THE SHARK T-SHIRT plEEASE.

  5. spyderman4g63 says:

    I’m still trying to count to 10

  6. Ruck says:

    Laptop+Beach=Success.

    Get Money + Get Paid

  7. pablo says:

    12. Upgrade your asian girlfriend.

  8. 13. Suck because you’re from Bah-stan. (Boston to the rest of the civilized world)

  9. andrew wee says:

    Don’t even go near the sea.
    Closest is “Bass Fishing Pro”

  10. Contempt says:

    Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

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