I know every male in this industry owns at least one Fleshlight. If you don’t have one, you can get a bargain on one from BB Wolfe. I hear he sells them used. In bulk too.
Wank Game Proper
So you’re pounding your pud, day in and day out, but you feel unsatisfied.
“How come I don’t get the satisfaction of beating my meat like I used to? When I was a young teen, it used to be fun. Now it’s mundane and boring. It feels like a chore!” Fuck it, I can’t even count to 7 in one second.
What’s missing?
As affiliates, we’re all about the numbers!
That’s right ladies and gents – now choking your chicken can be a competition!
Introducing the Onahole
The Onahole is basically your run-of-the-mill Fleshlight, but with a twist! This thing actually counts your “strokes.”
Leave it up the Japanese to come up with this downright, dirty shit.
Hiroshi ‘Chocoball’ Mukai—former professional wrestler, current male pornographic star, and eternal hero to all ‘wankers’ worldwide—set a world record of 426 strokes in one minute.
Can you beat that? Probably not. That’s like 7 strokes a second. I had to bust out a calculator for that. I don’t think I can clap my hands that fast.
Playing Call of Duty is for nerds! Have a stroke-off with your friends.
Put your stroke count on your Plenty of FIsh profile. The ladies love that shit!
Tell your disappointed parents that you reached a new personal best in stroking! They’ll forget about trying to get you to move out of their basement. Make ‘em proud, sailor!
Finally! An excuse to open my jar of Slap Happy Cream sent courtesy of AKMG.
On your marks…
Get Set….
Beat Beat Beat!
Thanks to Convert2Steve for this tip. He says he “heard about it on the radio.” Don’t worry, the offer will be live by the end of the week. Ruck is still doing some “Get the fuck out of my office! I’m testing it!”
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I’m pretty sure I can beat 426 strokes in a minute. If I can hold out past seven seconds.
This.
Always trust the Japs to bring out the best toys.
Wondering if the will make a device next to count how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop ;)
I’m making sure this is fully compliant and will be up to the Industry standards.
Only an azn can get that many strokes… get it?
http://www.realtouch.com/dispatcher/index
With this for me and a shakeweight for my girl, we will definitely be top contenders for the naughtly Olympics!
Now, if only someone could mod this to auto-tweet my new records for me… can you imagine? this needs wifi+3G
I wonder what signifies a stroke with this thing. If they were short strokes the Asian dude may be “beatable”.
I demand ProfitAddiction show proof of his manliness before making degrading comments about Asians and their equipment — shame on you!
That’s what I was thinking. Like there’s probably some little switch in it that does the counting.
A proper device would calculate the volume of flesh pounding in and out of this it and give a reading of something like 3853 cubic inches inserted per minute(IPM).
Thanks for the POF plug. Wait, what?
@IMHopeful you could probably check out Hiroshi ‘Chocoball’ Mukai’s junk if you wanted to LOL well, estimate it b/c we all know that shit’s gonna be pixelated.
You made some good points here but you forgot to mention that the Onahole is not only jerking off, it’s exercise. When you use it, you actually get in shape simply from jerking off!
You also forgot to mention that the Onahole cost $126. If you compare that to a prostitute or even a night of being teased at the strip club, that’s quite the bargain. Just thought I’d mention this. I know you wouldn’t want your readers to be cheated by not getting the full story on a rare life benefiting product that the Ohahole truly is.
the FL’s still sell like crazy tho…