EWA Private Network

There Aren’t Enough No Name Affiliate Networks

July 3rd, 2009 by Barman Leave a reply »

Highest Payouts! The Best Support! Exclusive Offers!

This is the rallying cry of almost every affiliate network out there. With everyone saying it, someone’s gotta be lying right? If the hundreds of networks out there were telling the truth, we’d make infinity money per lead because they would all be one-upping each other until the wheels fall off. Mmmm… infinity money.

So how do you get a piece of this action? How can you start your own network without the hassle of “knowing stuff.” Well, if you’ve failed at affiliate marketing, why not get in on the action where the real money is being made! The middleman!

In today’s PPC.bz, we’ll show you how to bank with hasOffers!

Start Your Own No-Name Network with hasOffers!

If you haven’t sold out to hasOffers yet, it’s time to do so. To be serious for a second, a successful affiliate can probably find value in this platform, and make it work for them. But lets be honest… 80% of affiliates don’t make jack shit, and this is who the product is geared towards.

It’s not like affiliates aren’t signed up to enough networks already. 5-15 is the average, and there is no shortage of no-name networks popping up already. These networks are typically the middlemen of middlemen, and usually have no direct relation to an advertiser, so there payouts will never be as high as a legitimate network. It’s usually a one-man band, and inevitably at some point, their “internet connection will go out” for a few weeks, and all their affiliates will get antsy. One thing leads to another, and a shitstorm breaks out. Some make it back online and payout, but the rule of thumb is you’ll never see your money again.

Let’s lay some motherfuckin’ knowledge down. This industry has more snakes in the grass than an African safari. All we need now is more punk ass kids and greasy Russians starting their own networks just itchin’ to rip you off.

Back on topic… So how is a newb like you going to make money with hasOffers? Here’s how it’s done!

What You Think Will Happen with hasOffers

Sign up Thousands of Affiliates – Just like when you started your first adSense site, you await thousands of clicks and sign-ups from out of nowhere. As soon as you launch your network, you promote it on Wickedfire and Digitalpoint because, YOU’RE TEH CHAMP!
Get Their Data – After hundreds of thousands of affiliates sign-up, you take a peak at their data and run that shit. Obviously all of these newbies are too dumb to cloak, but somehow they are making a killing and you can see all their juicy campaigns. +1 profit.
– The most important step, obviously.
Profit – Sit back, relax, and collect paychecks. It’s that easy. It’s just like affiliate marketing. No hard work at all.

What Will Actually Happen with hasOffers

No One Signs Up – Why? Cause no one gives a fuck about you and your no name network.
Give Up Your Data – You’re the only one running within your network. What’s stopping hasOffers from seeing what you’re doing?
Stress out from Support – If by some really long fucking shot, you sign-up some affiliates, the majority of them won’t make you jackshit. The ones making jackshit will bug you to death about what to do. “How do I make the monies?” “How do I make millions of dollars working 15 minutes a day?” “How do I make money posting links onto Google?”

If you hate people like I do, then you’ll eventually kill yourself from dealing with retards. And affiliate marketing is full of more tards than a short yellow bus.

But Wait, There’s More!

Here’s the cold hard facts: Building a reputable and effective network takes work. A lot of work, a lot of wheeling and dealing, and a lot of stress. Have fun with hasOffers!

Edit
After posting this, I saw a thread on Wickedfire about hasOffers.

This is a gem:

Rumor circling on the back end is that the guys behind HO are shady and have done a ton of shady stuff in the industry. One commentator on one of those blog reviews made a good point on the fact that $799/month on the Enterprise edition does not even begin to cover a fraction of a fraction on hosting cost so the business model is BS as well.

When working with someone fucking with my money, it’s always good to know they don’t have a physical address. (i.e; run out of someone’s basement)

EWA Network

14 Responses

  1. Gettin' Paid says:

    About time someone steps up and makes fun of these chumps.

  2. cliq says:

    Gotta run with the rascals at c2m.

  3. Howie says:

    If you can’t find a physical address on the contact page, the terms of service page is also a good place to look — namely, the first clause: http://www.hasoffers.com/terms-of-service.html

  4. I CAN HAS OFFER?

    Good post… running a network that appeals to the masses would suck.

  5. nj says:

    “All we need now is more punk ass kids and greasy Russians starting their own networks just itchin’ to rip you off. ”

    hahaha that killed me

  6. you guyz are so crazy, hehe. so many intense assumptions. have you even pushed any traffic on the system to test it for yourself? Ever think about actually talking to one of us about our system? I’d be happy to talk with any of you about this stuff.

    my direct cell number is 512-925-0000

    btw
    Adapp Solutions
    2220 Western Ave
    Seattle, WA 98117

  7. Abrom says:

    I remember when HasOffers tried selling to my company… wasn’t impressed :)

    Proud to be a Hitpath client!

  8. Hannah says:

    I’m gonna sign up for this, get retards from DP to sign up and tell them I have a kit that shows them how to make money with my network for $1.95.

    It’s a flawless plan, other than the fact that no bizopps take Indian traffic.

  9. Kris says:

    I miss Billy… :( Long live the king.

  10. Contempt says:

    Meh. Don’t even know what to really consider when it comes to them, although I’ll enjoy the acct I started there so I can broker stuff through myself to myself from myself for myself.

  11. HarveyJ says:

    Oh boy is this going to be fun to watch.
    We’ve got enough headaches of our own with the bottom feeders on our bottom feeding network. There’s thousands to be a made in the muck if you know how to do it, but these are the guys that know enough to not have to ask any questions other than “Hey, can you change the bank account you’re wiring my money to? The last one just got frozen for tax evasion”.

    Really, it’s not fun having to play nice to people that shift a couple hundred a week because they -are- the ones that do good things for your reputation with all their bleating in public forums.

  12. andrew wee says:

    Nice how there’s no info on who’s running HasOffers aside from “Peter Hamilton” posting the co. info in the comments above.

    I’d think best practises would be to post it on your site in a prominent location? (About Us seems more intuitive than “Terms of Service”.

    -
    I looked for the profiles of the people running hasoffers in “Terms of Service” but wasn’t able to locate it.

    Maybe you want to paste it there and also paste a dupe at “About Us” too.

    -
    @Peter Hamilton: I’ve got no idea if you’re the founder, someone from HR, or the “social media” guy, so transparency would help boost the profile of your service.

  13. NO REALLY WHO THE FUCK IS ANDREW PEE???

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