If you haven’t noticed, Ruck from Convert2Media is making the rounds in the “blogosphere” (the gayest word of 2008). Now, I’m not going to kiss his ass like all of these other bloggers, so we will keep it real with these questions. But first, a little history on the man known to the ladies as only, “The Ruckness.”
Ruck was born in 1921 during the Great Depression. Before he could walk and before computers were even invented, he was making money online. Ruck’s success is the reason that America was able to get out of the Great Depression and move onto prosperity.
Ruck went into hiding after it was discovered he had superpowers. Many decades later, he returned from the slums of Shaolin and began marketing online again. For many years, Ruck was an affiliate that did all kinds of shit to make a buck. Some of this shit will make you shit your shittin’ pants. It took many years of being an affiliate for Ruck to realize that he’s probably better off running an actual affiliate network to pass on his superpowers.
This affiliate network is known as Convert2Media and it was started in early 2008. It has seen incredibly growth and provides none of the bullshit of other affiliate networks. He also writes novels on his blog. Tales of romance and lore to bring the new affiliates in. Ruck’s blog is so good that other bloggers will rip his articles and post them as their own. It wouldn’t be surprising if his entire blog was sold as an e-book on Digital Point despite no one there knowing what to do with it.
In late 2009, Ruck stumbled upon the greatest blog in the history of affiliate marketing: PPC.BZ. Ruck fell in love with the affiliate marketing raps and zany articles quickly. Ruck began reading this blog daily, even hourly, despite it not being updated. Eventually, Ruck and Barman met on the tubes of the internet, and the rest, they say, is history.
Without further a doodoo, we present to you the Greatest Interview Ruck Will Ever Have:
Barman: How does it feel to be ppc.bz’s top commentator for the month of December?
Ruck: It feels good. I knew I would not sleep right unless I pwned all the leeches who wanted to steal my glory.
Barman: How will you train to get the top spot in January?
Ruck: I’m going to unleash a comment flurry that has never been seen before. For me it’s as simple as sitting on my right buttcheck and breathing slowly. I’m totally absorbed in the content so for me it’s not about commenting…it’s about connecting.
Barman: How often do you refresh your stats? What is your favorite song to refresh your stats to?
Ruck: I run a CPA network with about 500 active publishers so refreshing stats is really redundant. I know the numbers are going up by the minute. However we do have break out days and when that happens I tend to put You Spin Me Round by Dear or Alive. It usually gets my meat spinning.
Barman: Your company was known for dickrolling applications at C2M. Which comical antics will you come up with to seek revenge on all the scammers and foreigners that try to apply to your network in 2009?
Ruck: My Co-Managers really enjoy dickrolling frauders. I’ve personally only done it once and didn’t even get a Fuck-You out of it. I’ve got my notepad but really we are thinking about actually accepting a Frauder onto the network and verifying where the check is sent. Of course we will setup a bullshit offer to tell them to run. Once we know the check is going out, we plan on a company airplane trip to actually fuck with them face to face.
Barman: Jay and Silent Bob Style. I like it. You have been in the affiliate marketing game a long time. Who is your favorite affiliate marketer superhero?
Ruck: Barman from PPC.BZ hands down.
Barman: Hey that’s me! Nice. So, who would win in a tag team match, Ruck and Steve or Smaxor and Kaveman?
Ruck: I think they would all end up drinking beer and staging the whole thing.
Barman: Why is C2M the affiliate marketing company to beat in 2009?
Ruck: I don’t think we will be a network to beat but I bet we see some changes in how managers work with their publishers. Hiring people off the streets and training them to manage other people’s business is the most retarded thing I have ever heard of. Of course, it’s the affiliates choice to allow this to happen so we hope we treat them well enough that they go bitch at their network for the lack of real marketing support.
Barman: What up and coming things do you have for your affiliates to look forward to in 2009?
Ruck: Proprietary Tracking for starters. We have considered another 3rd party tracking software but ultimately we want our own. We also plan to hire a really talented programmer to build tools that are requested. We just incorporate a “Build Your Business” monthly prize in which we pick a publisher out and send them something that well help their business. Bryn from Bryn.me won this month’s prize with a macbook pro 15.4 and marware sportfolio.
Barman: How do i stop all the haters that will ride me, barman, for posting my referral link throughout this interview?
Ruck: You don’t stop haters. They stop themselves. You’re successful, they aren’t. After enough time they will resort to staying with their lame ass jobs, or taking what they learn seriously and look to you for help, or possibly kill themselves. It’s all win.
Barman: If over a hundred readers on my blog is success, then I am Donald Trump. So, is it true that Zac “The Sac” Johnson is your number one affiliate?
Ruck: All my affiliates are equal. Sounds cliche but we try to devote as much attention no matter what the dollar amount. I would like to personally say that I have met Zac and I get along great with him. He’s a perfect example of how someone handles themselves no matter what is said. Full of win IMO.
Barman: We do love making fun of him. This interview will now draw to a close. Do you have any closing statements?
Ruck: Working online makes you fat. Von Doogan Owns. I <3 Andrew Wee. Copeac has chicks at their party, you are gay if you dont show up.
Barman: Those are some great closing statements if I’ve ever heard them. See you at Affiliate Summit West!