Affiliate Summit West Vegas is coming up this Saturday, and I am confident it will be a gay old time. For some of you, it may be your first affiliate marketing conference ever. Boston was my first Aff Summit and I really enjoyed it. So now I will drop some knowledge on you on how to hold your own at these conferences. Of course, there are already some “How to guides” on what to do at Aff Summit, but they’re a bunch of gibberish and nonsense.
1. Lie Through Your Teeth – If you want to snag hot tips from superstar affiliates (like that super hot acai niche) you will have to bullshit your way into the inner circle of friends. This includes just making up shit as you go along. You own a network, you make $1 Mil a day, you own the number spot for “buy viagra,” you once touched Ryan Eagle on the shoulder once, whatever. The more glamorous you seem, the more likely you are to go straight to the top.
Don’t worry, there will be plenty of other bullshitters out there with you. If you can find another bullshitter on the same level as you, try not to get caught in an infinite loop of bullshitting.
2. Collect as Much Swag As Possible – Like sheep to a slaughter, that little bar tag on your Pass will allow all the networks and booth monkeys to scan your information. If you want the swag they got, then they will want your information. Get scanned as many times as possible so you not only collect a whole new wardrobe, you will get mailed shit for years on end.
3. Learn Stuff from People Who Know Things – You better believe that most of the panels and sessions at Aff Summit are useful! If you don’t spend a grand or two on those sessions, then you are missing out. I mean, why else would you pay to see people who don’t even do pay-per-click talk about pay-per-click.
4. Don’t forget the PPC.bz Scavenger Hunt – Knew I forgot something…
Juice (8)
Hillary (4)
Robert Hughes (4)
1cent (3)
Steve (3)
TupacsGhost (3)
affended (2)
bry (2)
conv3rsion (2)
Lenin Govea (2)
It will indeed be my first affiliate summit. I plan to follow this guide to the letter. Thank you. Good luck, bro.
omg stop giving away my secrets!
4. Take part in the ppc.bz scavenger hunt.
Dunt forget to touch one of missy wardz bewbs!
teeheeheeheehee!
DONT TELL my WIFEY!
wtf… teeheeheeheehee!… no…
My grillz are real. I swear.
Oh man, cant wait to touch Ryan Eagles shoulder…
I’m hardcore mother fucker I’ll shake Ryan Eagle’s HAND.
$50 bucks says that I’ll win the scavenger hunt.
I’m gonna pop ryan eagle with my desert eagle
Damn I wish I could go to this. I really want some swag.
Nice guide, forgot the part about proper disposal of a dead hooker, but whatever, we all have to learn on the job sometimes!
My goal is to come out with enough shirts so that I don’t have to wash cloths for a month… Just put on a new shirt every day…
omg this fucking blog is non stop pure comedy. I love you guys, haha.
You guys– stop exposing my scam!
http://www.dennis-yu.com/confessions-of-an-affiliate-marketer
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Thanks