Category Archives: Old School PPCbz

LeadCola Affiliate Network Keeps 35% of Your Money and AffPaying is Bullshit

For some reason, there’s a lot of bullshit in the affiliate marketing industry. Easy (enough) money just seems to attract the worse people in society. They commit fraud and steal from affiliates – you know, just your all around grime. Affiliates seem to accept a certain level of scumbag-ness, but there are companies that take it to a whole ‘nother level. People are always complaining that the affiliate industry needs to be cleaned up. What better way then exposing fraudsters outright?

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The Annoying Affiliate Meme

Saw this on the ytcracker twitter stream and had some LuLz YYUUUUUUUZZZZ!!!

Ripped 100% from Work for the Internet. I don’t know if they’re his originals or not but the whole series is funny as shit- The Annoying Affiliate Meme!

_________________________

I’m not going to mention who that guy is, but that makes the meme all that much more hilarious to me. I set up an original 32 that you can download here: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/3861818/Annoying-Affiliate.rar

If you’d rather just view them online and contribute your own, feel free: http://memegenerator.net/Annoying-Affiliate/

Listen You Fucking Failure – My Commission Hijack Review

(If someone could make a mirror of this iit’d be good for internet history)

Click here to get your commissions hijacked

People always share dumb shit like this with me, and everyone haha’s and lol’s. But once in a while there is that shining turd in a pile donkey droppings worth writing about. Commission Hijack is one of them.

Riveting Tales of Rags to Riches

The setting is a serene beach. A master of marketing is laying in his wicker lounge chair enjoying the warm rays of the sun. “Life’s good being a guru,” he thinks to himself. On his left, two ladies model for him in neon bikinis and on his right lay the pile of money and stats.

But he yearns for more. Selling the dream of super easy online money to the internet’s largest collection of dumbshits, blogger moms, possibly pedophiles, butt-ends of most internet marketing jokes and their ilk is just too much easy money!

“I need to do a guru launch. I’ll have to put a unique spin on it because everything has been seen before. What to do? Since I don’t know shit about actual online marketing, the pitch will have to be the product. Sell the sizzle not the steak. I gotta make it easy for the dumb fuckers that buy it too. One button. I definitely gotta make it simple- just push a button and you will profit. Good, but what’s the spin? What’s the angle?

I got it! I’ll just demoralize them so badly they’ll cry while pulling out their wallet.”

And that’s how the thought process goes or so I think.

97% of Affiliates make No Commissions Ever

The Commission Hijack video starts off with someone who sounds like John Oliver, telling it like it is. Tom Tyler channels the power of the great Billy Mays by yelling right in your fucking face. Listen motherfucker! If you’re not paying attention now, i’ll shit down your neck!

YOU ARE A FUCKING FAILURE SO LISTEN TO ME! You bought some make money online product, because the sales page sold you on the easy living. You thought your life as a Digital Point good for nothing shit-elf can end! No more Dollar menu for the family! The key to internet riches is here! You’re just a few mouse clicks away from money-lol’ing all the way to the bank!

Wrong! Even with magic push-button software, 97% of affiliates fail. Nearly every online marketer makes not a single dollar in commissions pitching their products or someone else’s shitty products. How sad is that? But that’s the way they want it to be (“they” being people who are Tom Tyler).

AND WHILE WE’RE YELLING AT EVERYONE- How about people who can’t figure out how to make money online stop calling themselves affiliates? How about once you make more than Nick Throlson dollars a day (its actually an astronomical number), you get a gold sticker or something and can call yourself an affiliate. The bar has been set pretty low. All you have to do is join an affiliate network (which apparently in most circles of scum is rather difficult) and you’re throwing the term around like you got crowned prince?

What’s the Problem? Why do affiliates fail?

The problem is they’re pushing too many buttons. The Commission Hijack system is only about one button- the ON button.

That’s fucking right buddy! The first step is to turn on your computer. All you have to do is figure out how to push the ON button! “Gee Tom, that sounds hard…” “It’s not! Just push the biggest circle thing you can find on your computer box!” Wow, it’s like they’re giving the system away!

No Website. No Work. No Effort.
How would that make you feel?

Well Tom Tyler, that’d make me feel like a damn fool because all this time I have been building websites, working hard, and putting in effort.

It sucks too because I’ve been wasting my life on crap like this:

Yes, forget about Pay Per Click, a multi billion dollar industry that drives the internet. You’re such a fucking failure you couldn’t begin to comprehend what it takes to make any sort of legitimate paid traffic campaign.

Yes, forget about Article Writing because… well… actually, Tom Tyler has a good point. Article marketing sucks dick.

Yes, forget about Site Building! Why build crappy websites that no one sees ever? You’re such a fucking failure that even if your website was good, people would only visit it to feel better about themselves because the site owner is a huge loser.

Yes, forget about jumping through “approval” hoops with CPA or CPV. Really, if you can’t get that part of the game you might be giving up too easily. You should take that kind of determination and use it to give up on life by killing yourself.

Tom Tyler is Sick and Tired of Lying Scheming Gurus

Smoke and mirrors, products that don’t work, yadda yadda yadda. If you can’t understand the hypocrisy of his entire sales pitch, then stop reading and go play in traffic. Moving on.

Juan and the Mystery Island

The best part of the Commission Hijack sales letter is the story of how Tom Tyler found out this magical one-button-only money making technique.

Tom Tyler stumbles upon someone who makes money online. This person’s name is Juan. Basically Tom Tyler begs him for his technique, like most loser beggars do. “Tell me how to make money online already! Its not fair!”

Juan says that the only way he will give up the goods is if Tom Tyler meets him face to face. Tom Tyler’s desperation to make money online is too much to bear, so Tom agrees and spends the next few weeks of his life scraping up $5,000 for a plane ticket.

This kind of pathetic desperation is pretty much the life-blood of the guru market. Tom Tyler tells the story because he wants the reader of his sales page to relate to himself. “Look guy- I was once pathetic like you, but now I’m pushing just one button and I lay on the beach all day. Take the risk! Take the chance that my product might actually do something for you!”

At this point, the similarities between Tom Tyler’s story and some schmuck falling for a Nigerian 419 scam is eerily uncanny. Selling all of your shit, begging and borrowing money, just so you can give it to a complete stranger shows some very sound business sense. You’re a shining beacon for entrepreneurs everywhere, Tom Tyler.

Tom Tyler finally makes it to Juan Island. He is amazed to see, as I would be too, that there’s a bunch of beautiful women lounging around, working on laptops. Surely they must all be Juan’s Secret Army of Sexy Female Bodyguards. That, or sexy female outsourcers. Either way, I just want to thank Tom Tyler for taking this brave journey so he can share the secret of wealth with the rest of the world.

Never Be Scammed Again

So what is Commission Hijack? Since it’s the key to never getting scammed again- I just had to buy it!

To be honest I never buy this shit to review it, I just make fun of them based on the sales letter. But this time I bought because curiosity got the best of me- I just have to know! Plus it leads to a more interesting post.

The first thing I notice is the immediate $197 limited time, “only a few copies left” upsell for an Elite Pro Membership. Damn Tom Tyler, I really thought that pushing just one button was all I needed to live on a secluded island with supermodels that I outsource the work to. What the fuck? Now I need to upgrade to Elite Pro to get that guru money? The upsell sales page says “Up to 367% More Profits.” Damn, a 367% increase in Nick Throlson dollars a day would be a good chunk of coin…. tempting Tom Tyler. Tempting indeed.

I’m going to pass for now and continue on to the product. But I did scroll through the whole thing and the “No thanks” button says “No thanks Tom, I don’t want to kill the day job…” Wow dickhead! You sold me on the one button profits! Now if I don’t push more buttons, I’ll be stuck managing Burger King forever?! Fuck you and your stupid accent.

So I continue on. Now I have to create an account on this login page. Oh wait- it’s not actually an account creation page. It’s actually an email optin that doesn’t require your paypal email or anything, just “an email that you use often.” So I put in my info.

FUCK! Another upsell!

————

A bonus rant on “it makes money”

Before I go on- I should mention that the stuff above probably isn’t new to some people, especially the Clickbankers that do this for a living. Landing page, upsell, optin, upsell, etc- a shit ton of pages before you get to the actual product. It has its uses because people are in “buying mode” so they’ll just keep clicking shit until they’re out a few hundred bucks and new owners of a bunch of resold, rebranded, and rehashed shit they’ll never touch. The technique isn’t breaking news, but I never buy into this shit so it was a refreshing look into the chaos.

And before people start bitching at me, “But it makes money Barman, why are you hating?!”

Listen, it’s a free fucking country so I can hate on whatever I want. Just because something makes money doesn’t mean it’s free from scrutiny. Amway is a massive MLM (multi-level marketing) corporation that “makes money” but that doesn’t mean I approve of their business model. BP increases profits by not investing into safety, thus deep-water drilling is more prone to spills, so that makes money but that doesn’t mean I approve of that business model. Hitler pulled out gold from the teeth of the Jews, but that doesn’t mean I approve of that business model.

So shut the fuck up already with that “it’s making money so stop hating.” Such a fucking bogus argument.

I’m not saying upsells are horrible or evil dumbass. They work lovely, but damn why do I gotta see a dozen of them when I just bought something?
———–

Anyway, back to the Commission Hijack Review.

This next upsell is for (you’ll never guess!) Automated Super Affiliate. Just Automated Super Affiliate. It doesn’t say System or Technique or Plan or anything. Your super affiliate stuff just gets automated don’t even ask questions.

I don’t think this product appeals to me so I’m going to continue to the members area. The text at the bottom of the page reads “I want to skip this one time offer and proceed to the Commission Hijack members area” so I click that.

FUCK ANOTHER FUCKING UPSELL YOU LIMEY FUCK!

This upsell is for the Commission Hijack Platinum Card. It’s only $67 but it will triple your commissions! I’ll only get one chance to see this page so I better read through it.

But you need to take one more step.

I held back because I wanted to see if you were serious about making some REAL money from internet marketing.

I can’t afford to make this offer to a tire-kicker who isn’t hungry and determined to win at all costs.

Wow Tom, you really know how to make me feel like I’m going places. I get it. I’ve spent some money because of the hope that one day I’ll make some money on this internet thing, so while this euphoric feeling is still fresh in my bloodstream, you’re taking advantage. Sure I want to triple my commissions, but my commissions now are zero. I think I’ll pass on this offer, for now.

I scroll to the bottom of the page and click “No thanks, Tom I don’t want Three Times More Commissions…” (Really Tom, in my heart I do, but I’m a poor schlep scraping together his last dollars to buy your product original product)

FUCK!!!! Another page….

Look, I get it…

Times are hard.

You don’t want to risk too much…

I HEAR YOU.

So, let me make this a “no brainer” for you:

You Join This Elite Platinum Club For Just $37

Oh you dirty fucking scumbag. Just give me the fucking shit I bought…

Hijack the Commission Hijack

I finally get to the actual product. Commission Hijack is in my hands and I ready to push one button to watch my Clickbank account grow from $0 to slightly more than $0.

Hopefully Tom Tyler doesn’t get mad that I give away his whole system here, sorry Tom! But it’s only fitting that I let people hijack the hijacking of commissions.

  • 1. Turn on your computer.
  • 2. Get email alerts from Commission Hijack about new product launches.
  • 3. Create Twitter accounts for these products.
  • 4. ….
  • 5. Tell your day job boss to fuck off as you watch the money roll in.

Wow. Twitter. Is that really it? Is that all it takes to be buying a private island in the Southern Hemisphere with your own army of sexy female outsources?

Essentially, Tom Tyler is going to email blast all of the idiots dumb enough to buy his product with products they can themselves blast on Twitter. That’s the Commission Hijack system right there. Fucking riveting. If there was ever a time affiliate marketing reeked of multi-level marketing, this is it.

Here’s the screengrab of the actual product. IE Users might have trouble with such a large image. Usually works fine in Firefox. You could download it to your desktop and view it from there too if your browser gives you issues.

Why You Deserve a Life of Misery

Like weight loss product testimonials, these guru products only work for a few people. But a few people is all you need for a 60 minute infomercial. Your results may vary…

This group of individuals that “make it,” usually figure out how to make money online because they’re not fucking dense. OK sure, the guru products suck, but it opens up a world of internet monies for them. They got burnt, learned their lesson, and moved onto bigger and better things. Eventually though, they understand the game and profit from it.

For the rest of you, a lifetime of debt and misery awaits.

That’s the other 99.9%. America’s dumbest. If you buy into guru product launches, then you deserve what you get. You are the fat, lazy, scum of the earth that wants a handout any way they can. Most of your free time is spent watching outrageous bullshit like “Undercover Boss” or standing in line for lottery tickets. Rather than a read a book or improving your self-worth, you choose the path of least resistance. Hard work comes with its rewards, but you’d rather wait for the magic bullet train to take you to the front of the line.

The Clickbank marketplace caters to this stupidity and they profit greatly from it. Shit, most online marketers profit from the world’s stupidity. Let’s not get it twisted, we all do the same slimey shit. I just like making fun of Clickbank guru products the most because the bullshit is just so… out there.

So I want to thank you, dumbasses of the world, for making people who know what they’re doing more money. You keep skipping the Terms and Conditions, and we’ll keep teaching you lessons.

Brad Fallon Drops Acid – Believes He is God

Let me begin by saying that I don’t really know who Brad Fallon is. I know he is some guru and that’s about the extent of my knowledge. I believe he had something to do with Stompernet, which was some SEO course that many people enjoyed back in the day, but eventually ended in a disarray of lawsuits and slap-fighting. Supposedly it was a good newbie course to getting backlinks and stuff, but who knows with that SEO nonsense.

Anyway, I came across this landing page the other day. I think it was someone who had a question in the PPVPlaybook forums about the legitimacy of some product launch or tricks being used on the landing page.

So I clicked the link and found this: Welcome to the 8th Day

What. The. Fuck. Where to even begin?

Let’s start with the page title: “Welcome to the 8th Day” For those unfamiliar with the creation stories in the Bible, God basically created the earth, sun, stars, man and animal, and other shit in 6 days. On the 7th day he rested, most likely to watch football and drink beer. So what did God do on the 8th day after all of this hard work? He created fucking uQast motherfucker!

That’s right. Brad Fallon has gone off the deep end so bad he thinks God has created his new product launch. Look gurus, I know you’re all over-confident, over-selling, under-delivering, snake oil salesmen, and that’s OK, but let’s cut the shit. If a god did exist, he would certainly not be doing this kind of shit. I mean, if I were God, I’d be busy spending my time torturing all the pedder-asses that run the Catholic Church who like to molest boys. Isn’t vengeance and wrath much more worthwhile than a guru product launch?

Delusions of Grandeur

Now let’s get into the real bullshit.

The first thing you’ll notice is the video since it autoplays. “You are one of the chosen ones!” Like God handing picking the chosen people during the impending apocalypse, Brad Fallon has chosen you to embark on this journey of the future. The future that will “change internet marketing forever.

Yes, it must be big and exclusive since you can only get in with a randomly generated invite code that is in infinite supply. Let me just take a wild guess and say that uCast or youQast or whatever won’t change shit. No one will give a fuck. Absolutely no one.

What’s even more ridiculous is the fake cheering and applause in this video. Like a bad sitcom filled with laugh-track, this crock of shit video has an entire fake audience cheering on this clown. Look gurus, I’ve seen some really shitty videos in your marketing efforts, but this one takes the fucking cake. How much of an ego do you have to have to put fake cheering, fake applause, and even a fake stage & curtain into a product launch video? Someone who thinks they are God, that’s fucking who.

Could you imagine if Steve Wagenheim put this kind of frivolous bullshit into one of his videos? (Now you don’t have to)

Really, if you were God, you’d have the omniscience to base a business around a domain name that made sense. You’d secure uCast.com (parked) youCast.com (registered) and others, or not fuck around spelling words incorrectly in the first place. Actually God would just be like “fuck this, I’m taking over u.com and that’s that.”

Dinosaurs and Abe Lincoln Go to Space – Can You Solve the Mystery?

Up until this point, everything is forgivable (now I’m just being nice.) The thing that inspired me to write this post is the background. What the fuck is going on here?

I believe Brad Fallon is secretly trying to tell us something through clues, like The DaDouchbag Code. I’m going to analyze some of this of this puzzle to see if I can put the pieces together.

  • The Setting My research has shown that this is not earth. It appears to be some galaxy far, far away where people live in harmony and where people actually like gurus. So much in fact that they are crowned as kings.
  • 1. A Brontosaurus Our first clue is a dinosaur. What does a dinosaur have to do with affiliate marketing, you ask? Nothing. But it’s there so fuck you.
  • 2. Stonehenge This was actually built on earth so I don’t know how it’s sitting on a giant cloud of gas. This is factually incorrect since structures can only be placed on solid ground. Maybe the gas represents the hot-air that gurus blow out their ass?
  • 3. The Great Pyramids Built many, many centuries ago by slaves. Trust me, I’m just as lost as you here.
  • 4. The Parthenon Built during Greek antiquity, this building represents the amazing architecture displayed by an ancient people. Contrary to popular belief, Brontosauruses did not eat ancient Greek buildings.
  • 5. Abe Motherfuckin’ Lincoln He went to war for equality amongst all men. Also seen on the $5 dollar bill, which represents the last bit of money people have before falling into a pit of desperation deep enough to warrant buying into a guru sales pitch.
  • 6. A Stage coach I guess this represents progress during the American frontier era, when people headed West into the unknown to discover new territory while fighting off Native Americans, bears, and dysentery. But maybe it represents the Oregon Trail game most of us played in grade school?
  • 7. Some Old Computer Ok yeah, definitely Oregon Trail because I remember playing it on that very computer.
  • 8. Airplane We needed airplanes in the first place because it developed the technology to go into space.
  • 9. Man on the Moon Just some dude on the moon.
  • 10. Space Shuttle It appears this space shuttle has left the man on the moon by himself. In reality, the Space Shuttles never went to the moon since they are designed to orbit the earth only. I reject your reality, Brad Fallon, and substitute my own (actual reality)

So what does it all mean? I have laid out the clues for you. I would come up with my own hypothesis but I cannot find a dealer who has acid. There’s no way I could even begin here without being heavily ripped out of my mind.

Let’s get Glenn Beck on his ass and connect the dots in meaningless and arbitrary ways. Greece has experienced rioting recently and now Egypt is on the verge of collapse. Do they have anything to do with each other (besides corporate America’s influence on their currencies and governments?) or are we just being led down a path to nowhere? What do dinosaurs have to do with Apple II computers? What about Stonehenge’s connection to Abe Lincoln? I can feel the insanity kicking in already.

Most important of all – What the fuck does any of this have to do with anything?!

Nick Throlson Goes to the Beach, Takes on Wickedfire, Gets Fatter

All in 45 seconds. Deep thoughts and lowered expectations from Nick Throlson at the beach. Who launches a forum that will compete with WaFo and WF. NO REALLY! I CAN’T WAIT!!!

Side note: Does the camera add 30 pounds, or was that neckbeard really good at hiding the triple chin? And my god the Michael Scott haircut is killing me HAHAHHA

50 Cent Got Paper You Understand?

Hide the 20’s. Big bills on the outside.

This is a stash, for real.

50’s straight shinin’ on these haters

Mobile Monopoly Review

Ah, mobile internets. The future of communication and browsing. It was only a matter of time before a fluff-filled product was launched on the topic.

I have an email specifically for “guru” lists. After a 10-day hiatus from checking it…. let’s just say it has a lot of e-mail I need to clean out. A good majority of these e-mails are about mobile marketing products.

The product in question is “Mobile Monopoly.” There are a legitimate “shit-ton” of mobile-focused guru products that have come out, or are coming out. It will be the only thing anyone talks about from here on out.

Article marketing is dead. Adwords is dead. Myspace is dead. Facebook is dead. PPV is dead. Mejia buying is dead. Everything is dead.

But mobile marketing is alive. It’s the new buzzword. Get you some clicks on your tiny landing pages and get people to sign up for your shit right from your phone.

A reader of PPC.bz saw this product, Mobile Monopoly, and promised a “review” of the product. I actually downloaded the product through illegal means, but don’t want to waste time watching the videos and shit.

Without further adoo-doo, here is the Mobile Marketing Review from Martin Brock. The review is actually ripped from Warrior Forum, where he posted it first, but I’m posting it here should it mysteriously disappear from SteveWagenheimForum.

(Yes, believe it or not, I will actually publish articles and shit from you wonderful readers if you just hit me up. I am generous with the linkbacks.)

Everything below is written by Mr. Martin:

Mobile Monopoly Review

UPDATE (Aug. 20): In an attempt to shed more light on the concerns about this product, I have contacted around 8 well-known people (big/medium gurus) who promoted this – 6 people replied so far.

If one had hoped to receive well-thought out reasons for promoting this product, one would be very disappointed. So far the replies can be summarized like this:

  • It looked like a good introduction to mobile marketing
  • We have a good relation with the author
  • I am deeply sorry for promoting this product! (1 person only)
  • The warrior forum is negative!

The responses are generally generic and with no real attempt to address the valid concerns that I and many other people have raised. No substance has been brought to the table in defense of this product. One person did offer to retract the endorsement, and apologize to his list for sending this out, but did not come through on it. Another has promised to look further into the matter and get back to me.

Review:
I actually spent a few hours on this review, so I hope it is ok that I post a new thread about it.

I apologize for the poor grammar/writing – I wrote it very fast.

As I stated in the other thread, I am only reviewing this product because a friend of mine bought two of this guy’s previous products. I paid for this one myself, and I will be refunding it out of sheer principle. I would have refunded the two others as well if I had paid for them.

There are 11 modules and some extra videos in the members’ area.

Mobile Monopoly Module 1 – A lot of mobile stats and data in this one, most of which should not be surprising to most people who regularly follow industry news.

Mobile Monopoly Module 2 – In this module he seems to go on and on about sending traffic to mobile optimized squeeze pages. What if 30 people converts, then I just made $150”, “this can really start to add up”, “Alright so I send them a Clickbank offer, and boom” – that last one is just classic, timeless relationship building advice! (I hope you can detect the irony). He goes on with “I get a huge list that I can market to forever”, “CPA stands for..” and so on..

He keeps talking about his conversion rate, and various numbers, and how much money you can potentially make, and yet fails to explain how to accomplish it – is it by any chance because sending traffic straight to affiliate links is THE most fragile business model in existence? The rest of video 2 contains more pipe dreams and “think of the possibilities” moments, again without any tangible, actionable direction.

Mobile Monopoly Module 3 – Here he explains how the interfaces of the ad platforms work again peppered with regular “just think of the possibilities” moments (sorry if I repeat myself, but monkey see, monkey do, or whatever the appropriate saying is in this context.. I am speed writing here! – this is very basic stuff.

Mobile Monopoly Module 4 – More from the same drawer – and then the big secret is revealed. I don’t even own a cell phone, and even I know that a mobile browser is different from a standard browser. At this point the “just think about how much money you can make” filler is getting more than unbearable.

Mobile Monopoly Module 5 – “Clickbank is amazing, you can make a lot of money with it” that is not an exact quote, but close. He spends a long time explaining the basics, and includes regular mentions of “big money”. He also talks about his squeeze page software – which comes at additional cost (67/month) – but he never provides any tangible proof that the squeeze pages presenting the mobile offers are the true source of his income, or that they have any sort of real effect.

Mobile Monopoly Module 6 – In this one he shows how to get affiliate links from Amazon in order to sell physical products as an affiliate – the most creative part about this module is the title: “let’s get physical”. I noted that his account shows no sales activity. This is generally another uninteresting video that covers very basic stuff.

Mobile Monopoly Module 7 – In this module he explains how to get pay per call offers. Pay per call is really just another way of tracking an affiliate sale, but through a phone number instead of an affiliate URL. Again, the information provided is very basic “how to find an offer” interspersed with even more “easy, easy money” comments, but no real guidance or insight is offered.

Mobile Monopoly Module 8 – In this one, the “just think about the possibilities” moment deals with mobile marketing for local businesses. Sure, you could go out and manage mobile campaigns for local businesses – they may not be tech savvy, but you can be sure they want to know exactly what they get from their advertising dollars. And what do they get? Is there even enough volume to support very specific local offers through mobile advertising? He just mentions this as an idea, one of many, that is not supported by anything tangible in the form of how to do it, or what results he has accomplished (I know what my guess is).

I did see the remaining videos, but found no reason to mention anything further about them.

Oh, except the Iphone app module. That was the first video that actually made me laugh out loud. Again, completely in line with the rest of the product – he talks about possibilities and potential, and how a lot of people make a killing with apps – but again – with no with real direction.

I will just let these links speak for themselves:

So, You Want To Develop iPhone Apps, Eh? You REALLY Want To Read This! Dvorak Uncensored: General interest observations and true web-log.

Is The Rush To Develop iPhone Apps Creating A Bubble? | mocoNews

And a quote from one of the articles:

Supercollider Blog reports on several levels of paid app downloads, the relevant number is that half of all paid iPhone apps get less than 1,000 downloads. The median point is under 1,000. Lets call it 999. That number times $1.95 per paid app gives the ‘most typical app’ the total revenues in its lifetime – the full two years of App Store existence – of $1,948 dollars. This is before Apple takes its cut of 30%, so we are left with $1,363 over two years or $682 per year. This is so ‘successful’ that half of all of the developers of the 164,250 apps – will actually earn LESS THAN THIS. Before you start to cry, remember, there is that Angry Bird game that had 4 million paid downloads and the Bewelled 2 game with 3 million paid downloads. Thats your math there, they are totally skewing the averages, and you are stuck in the ‘long tail’ indeed. Half of all developers will earn less than $682 per year. Do you still think this is a good business idea?

The Overall Verdict on Mobile Monopoly

There is a lot of filler and basic stuff where he spends time on the usual suspects; Clickbank, what is CPA offers, and so on. “Clickbank pays high commissions” and “Amazon pays lower commission”.

Most of the content has been regurgitated in 100s if not 1000s of products since. The few things he mentions that some people may not have heard of (such as pay per call) are covered in an extremely superficial way.

He almost never (if at all) mention aspects of real online marketing (relationship building, improving conversion rates, pre-selling) – stuff that is vital – but maybe that is because that sort of thing requires real EFFORT which would be more than 99% of his intended audience bargained for (judging by the sales letter). To fill out the holes it is apparently much easier to just have tons of “how to sign up for Clickbank” videos – yes, I think that is actually a title of one of the videos.

In regards to getting low CPCs – you can not by any standard compare the CPC of display ads and search ads. Getting a positive ROI is by no means guaranteed just because you get clicks at just a few cents. As an example, it is relatively easy to get clicks from Google (Adsense), and a number of other platforms from 3-10 cents (I have nothing for sale here or anywhere else), in some markets higher. I have done that several times. The key however, is conversion, as most of us know. And on top of that, it seems that most people are paying much more than the few cents he talks about.

He does not go in and show concrete tangible examples of winning campaigns – sure he has “proven” campaigns. But anyone who knows anything knows that any CPA network or affiliate network will throw their best performing campaigns at you like they were dead rodents (I realize that was a pathetic analogy).

No solid proof that he makes money from the mobile offers is ever presented – why does only Clickbank and Paypal earnings show on the sales page? He is particularly generous in showing his Clickbank earnings in the sales videos. But he does not navigate to the pages in his various accounts that show proof of earnings in the videos inside the members’ area. For someone who likes to talk so much about how much money he makes WHY does he not show any real tangible results achieved promoting these offers? And why do all screenshots/videos that involve his campaigns show all campaigns on pause?

As someone else have already hinted – which is completely on par with my own sentiments – is the fact that you get a very distinct feeling that the author is not actually applying most of these things, he just explains the “potential” and how this is “easy money”, and adds in various random potential earning scenarios, conversion rates and so on. A critical voice might infer that the results shown on the sales page could very well come from sales of his previous “make money online” offers in Clickbank (which also supports Paypal), and not from real b2c affiliate marketing offers on mobile phones. The author has so far been unresponsive in terms of submitting the proof I emailed him for.

In reality, it is not as easy as he makes it out – as also already pointed out earlier in the thread by someone who is doing it – and several other posters who have posted results from their campaigns. And those who make the wildest claims, including the author, does not seem to want to or be able to provide irrefutable evidence of their alleged quick, easy, and significant earnings.

Now – I could probably write another 5-10 pages about this product easily. But the time I have already spent is more than enough time wasted. I think is a shame that this type of product can “break through” in these circles. Of course, people can get a refund – but they can not get their time back, and the money invested in campaigns that don’t produce results.

And if this is by any means the industry standard, a lot of people will end up in a cycle where they jump from one quick fix to another because the product is carefully constructed to give the illusion that it does really work with no effort required…”but just not for me”. And so, the story repeats itself with no one the wiser because “quick fix” authors refuse or lack the skills to educate people on the true principles of Internet marketing.

Dames and Damsels in Affiliate Marketing

The other day I saw an interesting e-mail that ties into my last post, Beware the Scandalous Wenches in Affiliate Marketing.

The YMulti guys forwarded this over, and I thought it was relevant to this issue of dames and damsels in Affiliate marketing.

You may have received this email if you are HealthConverter.com’s list. Below is the e-mail:

Hot Affiliate Manager Here :-P — Hey!

Hey there!

My name is Cheri, and I just wanted to send you all a quick introduction to let you know that I’ve been hired on to work with HealthConverter.com as an Affiliate Assistant. … Which means, I’m basically your worker-drone slave to help you get through this tough marketing process. ;-)

If you’d like to get to know me a little more (because I’m sure some of you are like, “Who the heck is this chick?”), I actually have a personal blog that you can take a look at just to confirm that I am a living, breathing person: http://www.heycheri.com

If you have any questions or need help with anything, I am totally here for you! You can easily reach me via Email, AOL instant messenger, or Skype.

Maybe it’s just me, but it looks like HealthConverter.com is flaunting chicks to get traffic. It looks like they just got a random blogger chick to pose for pictures. I didn’t know HealthConverter.com was a modeling agency now. Maybe she slimmed up on those acai berries? “Stand there and look pretty, Cheri”

First off, what the fuck is an Affiliate Assistant? I mean, they have Affiliate Managers. Why not just make her one? Does assistant get coffee and donuts for affiliates? To me is sounds like Affiliate Manager interning.

Then notice how the “anything” is highlighted. That was legitimately highlighted in the e-mail. The innuendo is thick.

Now, I got nothing against Cheri. I don’t know much about her. Her blog says “get on my level” which I found amusing. She rocks the ‘haters gonna hate‘ gif on the bottom of her about me page. Also a plus.

It just seems to me that HealthConverter is playing the ‘if we hire enough hot chicks with social media exposure, then more affiliates will come’ game. I heard HealthConverter is hiring at least 3 new girls off of this list.

On Women and the Affiliate Marketing Industry

To clear the air, the last post “Beware….”, was not about me. I’m not bitter at anyone. Just trying to give young guys some advice on what to look out for. My game is tight, son. “I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one.”

Anyway, I got an instant message from another female in the industry that found my post amusing. She agreed with most of the points, and said that a “few bad apples spoil the bunch.”

That is very true in affiliate marketing. There are many, many, females in affiliate marketing that treat this work like their career (which it is in most cases.) They take it seriously and treat people as if they were in any other industry like medical or construction. (I know a real down to earth chick that has done very well in the male-dominated construction industry.)

No one wants to lose their job, especially over some drama where everyone finds out you’re a slut, boooooooonnggg!

These females work hard and would love a level playing field without any pre-determined notions about women in this industry. They don’t like that these nappy-headed ho’s come in, cause a lot of drama, and give a bad name to all the other females in affiliate marketing.

Cat fight, anyone?

Anyway, just remember that fellas. You’re here to do work, and so are most of your female affiliate managers. There are definitely some salty, devious bitches that will play games with you. Just stay away from the ditzes that help you in no way besides being a dick-tease. (unless you’re a natural-born ladies man) ….

Stick with working with the smart and sassy girls(specifically Oren) in this industry. There are plenty of them.

Perpetual Guru Launch – Save The Gurus

Setup a throwaway email and sign up to as many guru lists as you can. Faster than you can say “Fuck you Shoemoney,” your box will be filled with one guru email after another. They will promote their own products, and they will promote each other products just as hard. It just doesn’t stop.

Guru Product Release Schedule

Can’t seem to quench your thirst for guru product launches? Here’s a list of known product launches for the next 3 months. I can’t vouch for the accuracy but I don’t really give a shit. I stole it from here.

July 1st – Alex Shelton (With George Brown) – IM Elite
July 1st – Tom Bell + Shawn Casey – Fast Profit Pages
July 6th – Craig Dawber – Google Supremacy
July 6th – Anik Singal + Saj P. – Clickbank Wealth Formula
July 6th – Trey Smith – Penny Traffic
July 8th – Joe Walter + Tom Howe – Ultimate CPA Blueprint
July 12th – Matt Benwell – Rapid Automated Income
July 13th – Jani Ghaffor – FB Siphon
July 15th – Andrew Fox – Nuclear Affiliate
July 15th – Alan Magliocca – List Laundering 2
July 20th – Chris Freville – Internet Marketing Empire
July 22nd – Brian Johnson + Spike Humer – Vision Made Real Business Building 2.0 Summit
July 22nd – Anthony Jones – Affiliate Annihilation
July 24th – Russell Brunson – Instant Social Anarchy
July 27th – Mark Ling – AffiloJetpack
July 27th – Sean Clark – Slide In Code
July 27th – Pawan Agrawal – MaxBlogPress: Subscribers Magnet
July 27th – Mark Lyford – Millionaire Profit Secrets
July 28th – Ryan Deiss – Perpetual Traffic Formula
July 29th – Jeremy Schoemaker – ShoeMoney System 2.0

August 3rd – Ian Ross – Turbo Profit Sniper
August 3rd – Adam Horwitz – Mobile Monopoly
August 5th – Mind Movies 2.0
August 5th – Paul Lemberg – Blueprints To Profits
August 9th – Tim Godfrey + Steven Clayton – Info Prodigy
August 9th – Rob Benwell – Auto Blog System X
August 10th – Steven Johnson + Steven James – Online Income Flood
August 12th – Eric Rockefeller – Quick Cash Concept
August 17th – Chris Cobb – AIS Home Study Course
August 17th – Greg Jacobs -TBA
August 19th – Kieran Gill + Imran S – Auto Traffic Avalanche
August 23rd – Steven Lee Jones – Traffic Anarchy
August 24th – Bill McRea + Mike Williams – Never Fail Listbuilding System
August 26th – Ritoban Chakrabarti – CPA Instruments
August 31st – Sara Young – Easy Paycheck Formula

September 1st – James Francis – Web Design For Internet Marketers
September 7th – Alex Goad – Rank Builder
September 7th – Adeel Chowdhry + Bobby Walker – Hyper FB Traffic
September 14th – George Brown + Andrew X – TBA
September 14th – Norman Freeman – Turbo Business System
September 20th – Paul Ponna – Mega Software Launch (TBA)
September 21st – Oli Tee – Zero Down Traffic Blueprint
September 23rd – Jeff Johnson – TBA
September 28th – Mo Latif – TBA

I’m Worried

I’m worried for these gurus if it keeps going this way.

These people are getting rich selling the dream to the weak-minded individuals that love to empty their wallets for some hope. Well, some are getting rich. Many are copy-cats that are watering down watered down information.

The ones getting rich know how to sell the dream. But their success means people copy, and what you see is above is just a giant shit-ton of product launches. There’s about one every other day. Some days there are two launches!

Will They Run Out of Names?
Even with the the “Guru Name Generator” I’m worried that these gurus will run out of names. There are only so many ways you can mix the words ‘formula’ ‘system’ and ’empire’

With all of these product launches, it seems like there will come a point when they run out of names. This is similar to the internet running out of IP addresses. A very serious problem!

Will the Circle of Trust Become Too Big?
If you don’t know, now you know. The guru game is all about partnerships. You build your list, and they build theirs. Then you meet up and sell your shit to each others list. When people buy your shit, you upsell them someone else’s shit.

This works with a tight-knit group of people, but with so many people joining the “I don’t know shit about anything but I can pretend I do” game, the circle of trust gets too big. Pretty soon its not a circle, and its just a giant blob of bullshit. Where is the integrity?!

Will They Run Out of Customers?
LOL Is you stupid bro? Will diet advertisers run out of fat people?

Gurus love to email you. They don’t give a fuck. Some mail you once a week, but others like Howie Shitbag mail you 12 times a day. All these emails and all these gurus means we might run out of servers for sending the emails! The ConstantContact headquarters might explode!

But Really…
I’m only worried that the guru game might attract government attention. Out of all these product launches, there has to be SOME false advertising. (OK MOST of it is) One day a government organization like the FTC might step in and shut shit down. Gurus will have their Ferraris and beach front homes seized! The Horror! The Horror!!!

The Fundamentals of Promoting an Affiliate Offer

Question:

I want to be an affiliate marketer. I found this offer that I want to promote, but it’s a secret. Anyway, this offer pertains to job searches. I know this offer would work if I could buy PPC for it, but it looks like all the job search keywords are taken.

How can I promote it?

Believe it or not, a Wickedfire member had this same question.

Our good friend Dullspace, was kind enough to record an answer. A mini-webinar if you will.

If you have questions, and others like these related to internet money cash piles, then I can guarantee 93% of them will be answered in this single audio recording.

Dullspace goes into some very heavy stuff. These advanced topics would sell for $1997 by other gurus, but Dullspace gives this shit away for free. FREE SON

  • Blackhat Cookie Stuffers – How to make dollars a day
  • The Mafia-backed affiliate industry and how you can profit!
  • Buying Meejia – One secret traffic source no one is talking about!
  • Tracking Your Data and HTTP Requests – What they are and why they’re important
  • Landing Pages and how to steal them
  • Buying Adwords and getting people to come to your shit

Listen Now

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