3 posts in one day? Looks like your dreams just came true! I know I’ve been slacking on PPC.bz these past few months, so to make up for it I am publishing this blog post that has been on my mind for quite a while now. It is a long one, sorry.

This is Part 1 of a 2 Part Series. Warning: There are some Amazon affiliate links here. Don’t worry, I won’t be butt-hurt if I don’t get your $.32 commission. Buy the books however you want.

Does your affiliate marketing “career” revolve around following your competitors and copying what they are doing?

Does your day consist of reading hundreds of blogs, where your only motivation is to stumble upon that little “golden nugget” that will get you out of the poorhouse?

Are you on any “guru’s” list, not for shits and giggles, but hoping that one day they will release a product that changes your life?

If any of the above applies to you, you’re not a marketer. You’re not original. You’re not going to create the next big thing (without some serious dumb-luck.)

You’re a poser. A thief. A part-timer. You’re just a dumbfuck hoping to get lucky.

Learn How Advertising Really Works

I may have hurt your feelings in the opening statements above. That’s OK. This is a business, and as a reality check, you need your feelings hurt.

Whether you’re a complete newbie, a seasoned veteran looking for better ways to promote something, or a heavy-hitter with your own offer, learning a thing or two from these books can change the way you do business. The chances are pretty damn good you’ll learn a thing or two in every chapter. Has your acai monies ran out and you want to create the next big thing? Trust me; these books can help you do that.

I tend to go on reading binges, and for a few months or weeks will just read books cause I feel like it. Then for another few months, I won’t read a damn thing.

My most recent reading binge has been nothing but books on advertising written by some of the smartest, best people in the game. Why spend thousands of dollars learning something that these people have already figured out?

To be honest, I don’t expect many people to pick up these books and read them. In fact, you probably think I’m sick in the head telling you to read books. This is the internet! Books are so 2001!

The fact is that a little extra work to better yourself, and your knowledge of what you do, has been a staple of many successful people. Brian Tracy always said “Read an hour a day on what you do, and get into the top 10% in your industry” I can’t recall if that’s the exact quote, but it goes along those lines. If you know Tracy, then you know he’s a boss.

Now, on with “Barman’s Book Club”

Cashvertising by Drew Eric Whitman

This is a book that people have been raving about since it came out. I did not pick it up until a few months ago. After reading it, I am now on the Cashvertising bandwagon. Most of the other books I write about below all came from the “Recommended Reading” section of Cashvertising. It’s that goddamn good.

I posted this recommendation on a forum, and someone said “If you don’t want to read this book, there is a summary on Wickedfire for it.” (here)

That’s all fine and dandy, but you’re not going to learn shit from a summary. Think about it – who will retain more knowledge of a topic 3 days later? 3 weeks later? Someone that read the CliffNotes of “1984″, or someone who actually read “1984″? I read the book over 10 years ago and I can still recall what the main character has a fear of. On the flipside, I don’t even remember the titles of books where I read only the CliffNotes.

There is a trade-off between reading a book and reading a summary. You’ll know the gist with CliffNotes and save time, but you won’t know the details. And when we’re on the topic of advertising, every detail can change how you think about the business you are running.

Back to the content of Cashvertising. This book is basically a full A to Z course in the fundamentals of advertising. You will read a page and end up sitting in your chair for 5 minutes thinking about how to apply what you just read. It’s best to read it with your notebook right next to you.

I don’t want to do a summary of the contents of the book. There’s no point. You have to read the fucking thing. If you don’t want to take the action of reading this book, then you might as well stop reading this post here and go read Tyler Cruz

Tested Advertising Methods by John Caples

I read this book off the Cashvertising recommendations. This book is as good, if not better, than Cashvertising. If you read both they really complement each other. Cashvertising is quick and full of informational tidbits, while Tested Advertising Methods may devote a few chapters to a subject, providing some deeper insight.

Some of the best information in this book is about headlines. I’ll get into that later. Another chapter is “How to Appeal to a Mass-Market Audience,” which is solid gold. It explains how to dumb down your ads for broader appeal. Other chapters go into what to avoid – which is just as important especially with broad audiences.

There are also some chapters on “tiny ads” which can give some insight to Facebook and Myspace advertisers, since those ads are roughly the size of a newspaper classified ad.

There is just too much great stuff in this book. I don’t have it in front of me, so I can’t write anything on the notes I took. But I will say that it took me forever to read, simply because every page had my mind going a thousand miles a minute thinking of how to apply these lessons in advertising.

Scientific Advertising / My Life in Advertising by Claude Hopkins

These books are old school. On the bright side, both of these books have expired copyrights and you can pick them up for free on the web. You might have a hard time reading them because of some of the terminology is outdated. What’s a “line” anyway? (The closest similar term I can think of is “campaign”)

But there are many fundamental lessons in these two books that make them both worth reading. It’s pretty amazing to read how Hopkins created the advertising decades ago for the big brands of today (Goodyear, Palmolive Soap, and “Medical”, which could be compared to the wild wild west of the internet today) Knowing some history of successful advertising in the past can help you re-create some of his successes in the digital age, or avoid the mistakes that Hopkins consistently speaks out against.

Hopkins pioneered “scientific advertising.” Today, we know it as “return on investment,” “split-testing,” and “tracking.” Before Hopkins, advertising was “Buy from me, not my competitor!” After Hopkins, advertisers learned how to speak directly with their demographic. They learned how to “touch a cord with the common man,” so to speak. They learned it by testing the shit out of their ads.

The Shallows – What the Internet is Doing to Our Brains by Nicholas Carr

I heard about this book from the Colbert Report, I think. It is a fairly recent book, and it is not a book about advertising. But if you read it carefully, you can get some great insight on how to market on the internet.

The Shallows is a scientific look at the brain and how it works. Carr goes into the history of the human brain and how it has changed throughout human history. The alphabet, the written language, the clock, the printing press, the television, and now the internet – all have a massive impact on how we think and live.

In early human history, stories were written down without spaces between words. Reading aloud was a chore for the human brain. Then someone came up with the space, which made it easier on the eye. But for a long time, everything written was always narrated to an audience. In fact, the idea of reading to yourself in silence did not come until generations later.

Gutenberg, the inventor of the printing press, died broke. He would have made far more money leasing his technology, but instead kept it to himself while trying to sell individual copies of books. Either way, his invention changed our brains forever. Books became commonplace and most of the population could now attain them (before, they were a luxury for the rich since they were handwritten.)

There is a certain romance in reading a book. You can read for hours if you’re enjoying what you’re reading. It’s amazing that our brain can stay focused on reading the pages, but at the same time we can allow our imaginations to wander. This act of “getting lost” in reading trains our brains for critical thought. All of this changes with the internet.

The internet is a two-way street. Unlike TV (which makes us dumb enough as is), the Internet combines many media. Critical thought is no longer important when we can find information we need at the click of the mouse. So our brains adjust. We have become very good at finding information. We have become masters f multi-tasking. I don’t want to classify this change as a good or bad thing. It is just what is happening.

The bottom line is that there is a real change the brains of heavy internet users. It will only continue as we depend on the internet more and more. The Shallows explains how many online marketers have developed “internet ADHD.” (Editor’s note: He does not specifically mention internet marketers or draws this correlation. He does go into website design and people using software though.)

My summary doesn’t really do this book justice. I highly suggest reading it if this kind of stuff interests you. (The ultimate irony is most of my demographic lives and breathes on the internet. Trying to convince you to read a book because your brain has lost its ability to do so, is exactly what this book Is about.)

No Ogilvy?

Now I know certain people will cry foul that I don’t have Ogilvy on the list.

I know Ogilvy is a legend. The only reason he’s not on this list is because I have not read his book yet. I was promised a copy though, so we’ll have to wait for Barman’s Book Club Part 2.

You can continue reading Part 2 here

Ah, mobile internets. The future of communication and browsing. It was only a matter of time before a fluff-filled product was launched on the topic.

I have an email specifically for “guru” lists. After a 10-day hiatus from checking it…. let’s just say it has a lot of e-mail I need to clean out. A good majority of these e-mails are about mobile marketing products.

The product in question is “Mobile Monopoly.” There are a legitimate “shit-ton” of mobile-focused guru products that have come out, or are coming out. It will be the only thing anyone talks about from here on out.

Article marketing is dead. Adwords is dead. Myspace is dead. Facebook is dead. PPV is dead. Mejia buying is dead. Everything is dead.

But mobile marketing is alive. It’s the new buzzword. Get you some clicks on your tiny landing pages and get people to sign up for your shit right from your phone.

A reader of PPC.bz saw this product, Mobile Monopoly, and promised a “review” of the product. I actually downloaded the product through illegal means, but don’t want to waste time watching the videos and shit.

Without further adoo-doo, here is the Mobile Marketing Review from Martin Brock. The review is actually ripped from Warrior Forum, where he posted it first, but I’m posting it here should it mysteriously disappear from SteveWagenheimForum.

(Yes, believe it or not, I will actually publish articles and shit from you wonderful readers if you just hit me up. I am generous with the linkbacks.)

Everything below is written by Mr. Martin:

Mobile Monopoly Review

UPDATE (Aug. 20): In an attempt to shed more light on the concerns about this product, I have contacted around 8 well-known people (big/medium gurus) who promoted this – 6 people replied so far.

If one had hoped to receive well-thought out reasons for promoting this product, one would be very disappointed. So far the replies can be summarized like this:

• It looked like a good introduction to mobile marketing
• We have a good relation with the author
• I am deeply sorry for promoting this product! (1 person only)
• The warrior forum is negative!

The responses are generally generic and with no real attempt to address the valid concerns that I and many other people have raised. No substance has been brought to the table in defense of this product. One person did offer to retract the endorsement, and apologize to his list for sending this out, but did not come through on it. Another has promised to look further into the matter and get back to me.

Review:
I actually spent a few hours on this review, so I hope it is ok that I post a new thread about it.

I apologize for the poor grammar/writing – I wrote it very fast.

As I stated in the other thread, I am only reviewing this product because a friend of mine bought two of this guy’s previous products. I paid for this one myself, and I will be refunding it out of sheer principle. I would have refunded the two others as well if I had paid for them.

There are 11 modules and some extra videos in the members’ area.

Mobile Monopoly Module 1 – A lot of mobile stats and data in this one, most of which should not be surprising to most people who regularly follow industry news.

Mobile Monopoly Module 2 – In this module he seems to go on and on about sending traffic to mobile optimized squeeze pages. What if 30 people converts, then I just made $150”, “this can really start to add up”, “Alright so I send them a Clickbank offer, and boom” – that last one is just classic, timeless relationship building advice! (I hope you can detect the irony). He goes on with “I get a huge list that I can market to forever”, “CPA stands for..” and so on..

He keeps talking about his conversion rate, and various numbers, and how much money you can potentially make, and yet fails to explain how to accomplish it – is it by any chance because sending traffic straight to affiliate links is THE most fragile business model in existence? The rest of video 2 contains more pipe dreams and “think of the possibilities” moments, again without any tangible, actionable direction.

Mobile Monopoly Module 3 – Here he explains how the interfaces of the ad platforms work again peppered with regular “just think of the possibilities” moments (sorry if I repeat myself, but monkey see, monkey do, or whatever the appropriate saying is in this context.. I am speed writing here! – this is very basic stuff.

Mobile Monopoly Module 4 – More from the same drawer – and then the big secret is revealed. I don’t even own a cell phone, and even I know that a mobile browser is different from a standard browser. At this point the “just think about how much money you can make” filler is getting more than unbearable.

Mobile Monopoly Module 5 – “Clickbank is amazing, you can make a lot of money with it” that is not an exact quote, but close. He spends a long time explaining the basics, and includes regular mentions of “big money”. He also talks about his squeeze page software – which comes at additional cost (67/month) – but he never provides any tangible proof that the squeeze pages presenting the mobile offers are the true source of his income, or that they have any sort of real effect.

Mobile Monopoly Module 6 – In this one he shows how to get affiliate links from Amazon in order to sell physical products as an affiliate – the most creative part about this module is the title: “let’s get physical”. I noted that his account shows no sales activity. This is generally another uninteresting video that covers very basic stuff.

Mobile Monopoly Module 7 – In this module he explains how to get pay per call offers. Pay per call is really just another way of tracking an affiliate sale, but through a phone number instead of an affiliate URL. Again, the information provided is very basic “how to find an offer” interspersed with even more “easy, easy money” comments, but no real guidance or insight is offered.

Mobile Monopoly Module 8 – In this one, the “just think about the possibilities” moment deals with mobile marketing for local businesses. Sure, you could go out and manage mobile campaigns for local businesses – they may not be tech savvy, but you can be sure they want to know exactly what they get from their advertising dollars. And what do they get? Is there even enough volume to support very specific local offers through mobile advertising? He just mentions this as an idea, one of many, that is not supported by anything tangible in the form of how to do it, or what results he has accomplished (I know what my guess is).

I did see the remaining videos, but found no reason to mention anything further about them.

Oh, except the Iphone app module. That was the first video that actually made me laugh out loud. Again, completely in line with the rest of the product – he talks about possibilities and potential, and how a lot of people make a killing with apps – but again – with no with real direction.

I will just let these links speak for themselves:

So, You Want To Develop iPhone Apps, Eh? You REALLY Want To Read This! Dvorak Uncensored: General interest observations and true web-log.

Is The Rush To Develop iPhone Apps Creating A Bubble? | mocoNews

And a quote from one of the articles:

Supercollider Blog reports on several levels of paid app downloads, the relevant number is that half of all paid iPhone apps get less than 1,000 downloads. The median point is under 1,000. Lets call it 999. That number times $1.95 per paid app gives the ‘most typical app’ the total revenues in its lifetime – the full two years of App Store existence – of $1,948 dollars. This is before Apple takes its cut of 30%, so we are left with $1,363 over two years or $682 per year. This is so ‘successful’ that half of all of the developers of the 164,250 apps – will actually earn LESS THAN THIS. Before you start to cry, remember, there is that Angry Bird game that had 4 million paid downloads and the Bewelled 2 game with 3 million paid downloads. Thats your math there, they are totally skewing the averages, and you are stuck in the ‘long tail’ indeed. Half of all developers will earn less than $682 per year. Do you still think this is a good business idea?

The Overall Verdict on Mobile Monopoly

There is a lot of filler and basic stuff where he spends time on the usual suspects; Clickbank, what is CPA offers, and so on. “Clickbank pays high commissions” and “Amazon pays lower commission”.

Most of the content has been regurgitated in 100s if not 1000s of products since. The few things he mentions that some people may not have heard of (such as pay per call) are covered in an extremely superficial way.

He almost never (if at all) mention aspects of real online marketing (relationship building, improving conversion rates, pre-selling) – stuff that is vital – but maybe that is because that sort of thing requires real EFFORT which would be more than 99% of his intended audience bargained for (judging by the sales letter). To fill out the holes it is apparently much easier to just have tons of “how to sign up for Clickbank” videos – yes, I think that is actually a title of one of the videos.

In regards to getting low CPCs – you can not by any standard compare the CPC of display ads and search ads. Getting a positive ROI is by no means guaranteed just because you get clicks at just a few cents. As an example, it is relatively easy to get clicks from Google (Adsense), and a number of other platforms from 3-10 cents (I have nothing for sale here or anywhere else), in some markets higher. I have done that several times. The key however, is conversion, as most of us know. And on top of that, it seems that most people are paying much more than the few cents he talks about.

He does not go in and show concrete tangible examples of winning campaigns – sure he has “proven” campaigns. But anyone who knows anything knows that any CPA network or affiliate network will throw their best performing campaigns at you like they were dead rodents (I realize that was a pathetic analogy).

No solid proof that he makes money from the mobile offers is ever presented – why does only Clickbank and Paypal earnings show on the sales page? He is particularly generous in showing his Clickbank earnings in the sales videos. But he does not navigate to the pages in his various accounts that show proof of earnings in the videos inside the members’ area. For someone who likes to talk so much about how much money he makes WHY does he not show any real tangible results achieved promoting these offers? And why do all screenshots/videos that involve his campaigns show all campaigns on pause?

As someone else have already hinted – which is completely on par with my own sentiments – is the fact that you get a very distinct feeling that the author is not actually applying most of these things, he just explains the “potential” and how this is “easy money”, and adds in various random potential earning scenarios, conversion rates and so on. A critical voice might infer that the results shown on the sales page could very well come from sales of his previous “make money online” offers in Clickbank (which also supports Paypal), and not from real b2c affiliate marketing offers on mobile phones. The author has so far been unresponsive in terms of submitting the proof I emailed him for.

In reality, it is not as easy as he makes it out – as also already pointed out earlier in the thread by someone who is doing it – and several other posters who have posted results from their campaigns. And those who make the wildest claims, including the author, does not seem to want to or be able to provide irrefutable evidence of their alleged quick, easy, and significant earnings.

Now – I could probably write another 5-10 pages about this product easily. But the time I have already spent is more than enough time wasted. I think is a shame that this type of product can “break through” in these circles. Of course, people can get a refund – but they can not get their time back, and the money invested in campaigns that don’t produce results.

And if this is by any means the industry standard, a lot of people will end up in a cycle where they jump from one quick fix to another because the product is carefully constructed to give the illusion that it does really work with no effort required…”but just not for me”. And so, the story repeats itself with no one the wiser because “quick fix” authors refuse or lack the skills to educate people on the true principles of Internet marketing.

The other day I saw an interesting e-mail that ties into my last post, Beware the Scandalous Wenches in Affiliate Marketing.

The YMulti guys forwarded this over, and I thought it was relevant to this issue of dames and damsels in Affiliate marketing.

You may have received this email if you are HealthConverter.com’s list. Below is the e-mail:

Hot Affiliate Manager Here :-P — Hey!

Hey there!

My name is Cheri, and I just wanted to send you all a quick introduction to let you know that I’ve been hired on to work with HealthConverter.com as an Affiliate Assistant. … Which means, I’m basically your worker-drone slave to help you get through this tough marketing process. ;-)

If you’d like to get to know me a little more (because I’m sure some of you are like, “Who the heck is this chick?”), I actually have a personal blog that you can take a look at just to confirm that I am a living, breathing person: http://www.heycheri.com

If you have any questions or need help with anything, I am totally here for you! You can easily reach me via Email, AOL instant messenger, or Skype.

Maybe it’s just me, but it looks like HealthConverter.com is flaunting chicks to get traffic. It looks like they just got a random blogger chick to pose for pictures. I didn’t know HealthConverter.com was a modeling agency now. Maybe she slimmed up on those acai berries? “Stand there and look pretty, Cheri”

First off, what the fuck is an Affiliate Assistant? I mean, they have Affiliate Managers. Why not just make her one? Does assistant get coffee and donuts for affiliates? To me is sounds like Affiliate Manager interning.

Then notice how the “anything” is highlighted. That was legitimately highlighted in the e-mail. The innuendo is thick.

Now, I got nothing against Cheri. I don’t know much about her. Her blog says “get on my level” which I found amusing. She rocks the ‘haters gonna hate‘ gif on the bottom of her about me page. Also a plus.

It just seems to me that HealthConverter is playing the ‘if we hire enough hot chicks with social media exposure, then more affiliates will come’ game. I heard HealthConverter is hiring at least 3 new girls off of this list.

On Women and the Affiliate Marketing Industry

To clear the air, the last post “Beware….”, was not about me. I’m not bitter at anyone. Just trying to give young guys some advice on what to look out for. My game is tight, son. “I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one.”

Anyway, I got an instant message from another female in the industry that found my post amusing. She agreed with most of the points, and said that a “few bad apples spoil the bunch.”

That is very true in affiliate marketing. There are many, many, females in affiliate marketing that treat this work like their career (which it is in most cases.) They take it seriously and treat people as if they were in any other industry like medical or construction. (I know a real down to earth chick that has done very well in the male-dominated construction industry.)

No one wants to lose their job, especially over some drama where everyone finds out you’re a slut, boooooooonnggg!

These females work hard and would love a level playing field without any pre-determined notions about women in this industry. They don’t like that these nappy-headed ho’s come in, cause a lot of drama, and give a bad name to all the other females in affiliate marketing.

Cat fight, anyone?

Anyway, just remember that fellas. You’re here to do work, and so are most of your female affiliate managers. There are definitely some salty, devious bitches that will play games with you. Just stay away from the ditzes that help you in no way besides being a dick-tease. (unless you’re a natural-born ladies man) ….

Stick with working with the smart and sassy girls(specifically Oren) in this industry. There are plenty of them.

Here Ye, Here Ye!

This is a notice to all of ye (OK I’ll stop with the Middle-Ages speak) who call themselves affiliates. It is likely that you are young, male, and doing well for yourself. This post is a warning for you – those who cannot resist the sweet elixir of the punany.

I’ve heard certain rumors and ramblings recently that sparked interest in this post. You hear the rumors that women in the affiliate marketing industry know how to get what they want with their sexual cunning, and using the men in it to get what they want. They are just rumors, right? Well, when it happens to people you know then it becomes real.

And we all know what happens on PPC.bz when shit gets real.

When these vixens are done with the man and everything he has to offer – he is dropped like garbage in a bin. I also hear about it all the time. One of my friends was recently dropped in a bin during the last industry show. I want him to be really vengeful, but this post warning others is a safer, civilized route. The higher route, if you will.

Let’s be honest … not many young men can resist sweet sweet vajayjay (not even Oprah’s). It takes a while for men to realize that many women are out only for themselves. It is particularly bad in the affiliate marketing industry. Everything you know about women using and abusing men for material things and favors is multiplied 10 times in affiliate marketing. Why? Because you have something they specifically want (traffic and friends) and they are pretty sure they can get it (hot young female has a certain power over a mildly nerdy young male).

So how can you prevent this “pussy-trap”? If you think it can’t happen to you … then chances are it already has!

Here are some warning signals to look out for when dealing with females in affiliate marketing. Sure, they may be friendly, cute and even sexy. But tread carefully. You could just be a little plaything.

Warning 1: Send Traffic

This isn’t really a big one, but it’s where it always starts. There are male and female affiliate managers, and they are just doing their jobs. No biggie right?

If you are being pestered day in and day out for traffic, and the requests slow down or just stop – then watch out. Maybe she’ll want to be friends? Hang out at the next show? Maybe something more? The conversation moves onto something unrelated to affiliate marketing. Slowly, she is not as annoying as she used to be.

But always remember what her original motive was.

Warning 2: Flirting

You start the flirting game. Its easy to be a stud-muffin on the computer. The conversion is no longer her begging you for traffic. It’s about something that interests you. “Talk about yourself.” You find out interesting things about her. Maybe a little connection is starting to form?

You meet in person and this is where it gets a little more serious. Did she just rest her boobs on my arm while we were standing at the bar? Why does she keep playing with her hair? She sure looks good in that dress!

Side note: If your AM is married, then you know you’re being played right here. Single girls, fine – it could be lust or love. But with a married girl, 9 out of 10 times she’s just playing games with your head.

Warning 3: Do Things for Me

If your relationship with your affiliate manager friend goes any further, soon you will be asked some mundane requests. Depending on your addiction to the pussy in question, you may do some shit like design their company website or setup a Myspace for her cat.

Either way, you are being weaved into a web. “If I keep doing favors for her, maybe she’ll give me a hand job?”

She’s thinking: “What a fucking sucker.”

Warning 4: Send Friends

Soon you are convinced that the network she works for is the one to work with. “Do you know Affiliate Q?” she asks. You do. You think you are doing her a favor by sending over your friends. Then you tell Affiliate Q, Z, Y, and Z to run at her network.

You may help her setup events that gather affiliates, all under the guise of just meeting up. But all you are really doing is fattening her paycheck.

Warning 5: Buy Things

This is when shit is serious. You’re buying her things like she’s you’re girlfriend. But she’s not really that, is she? She already has everything she wants from you. Your traffic, your friends’ traffic, and your Rolodex.

Getting nice clothes, shoes, underwear, dresses, flowers, DVDs, and other shit is just icing on the cake for her. Damn, that is a lot of icing.

Lesson: Don’t Fuck with Industry Broads

In all seriousness, not every female in affiliate marketing is a conniving bitch. Many are down to earth, cool, and fun to talk to. But the circumstances of our situation (young male breadwinners vs young female goldiggers) mean that these things happen a lot more than you would think.

The old adage, “Don’t Shit Where You Eat” holds true. Don’t do it! Don’t wine and dine. Smash and grab!

Get with regular girls. Girls in bookstores, movie theatres, yoga classes, wherever. It’s a lot less drama this way when the girl in your life doesn’t know, or doesn’t care, what you do for a living.

The man, the myth, the legend, Rob Hustle is back with a rap about the new Starcraft release.

Now, I don’t play Starcraft II (I would if it weren’t for the whole ‘addiction’ thing) but I know the rap is hot. Some fans of Starcraft might like it.

Ok ok the running joke this year has been that “rebills are dead” when in fact, they were not really dead. People still pushed, and everyone trolled so newbs wouldn’t jump in and fuck it up all over again.

But now, they are really, really dead

Inside sources say that the lawsuit will be announced against this company, which apparently got raided yesterday. Almost 3,000 complaints is impressive, even by shady advertiser standards.

Although the lawsuit says its against one company, the part of the title that says “action against internet marketers” is not too appealing.

Apparently the FTC is going to parade around two people who got rebilled. I can’t wait to see what their story is (likely obese [why buy in the first place], stupid [read the terms!], and looking for a government bailout [wahhhh help me FTC!]).

HIDE YO LANDERS, HIDE YO TRAFFIC, AND HIDE YO WHOIS,
CAUSE THE FTC BE RAPING EVERYBODY OUT HERE

That’s right ladies! You heard the rumors on twitter and they’re true!

Don’t let Ian Fernando’s (it just rolls off the tongue doesn’t it? Ferrrrrr ‘nando!) post fool you!

The Ian Fernando Party Bus IS ON!!

And the Party Bus Don’t Stop! It’s going all week long! Come early to ASE, and stay late! The Ian Fernando Party Bus is always running!

Sign up NOW!: Ian Fernando Party Bus

Only confirmed guests allowed!!

Pick up Times

The Ian Fernando Party Bus has pick up points on Sunday and Monday – each location picking up at 6 and 9PM. We love to 69!!!!

These are the only pickup times! We’re gonna be too busy partying to be picking people up!!

Therapy:
348 W 52nd St
(between 8th Ave & 9th Ave)

Vlada Lounge
331 W 51st St

CUM ONE, CUM ALL!

OVER MY FACE. That’s what I’m going to be yelling when we’re poppin’ bottles on the Ian Fernando Party Bus If you don’t come then you’re queer!!!!!!

Just going through my junkbox, and I stumbled across this epic testimonial. Because of this testimonial, I bought 32 copies of the product.

I wish I could get testimonials like this for my infoproducts :(

God bless.

lolwut?

Trouble with the words?

Here are the lyrics

Lyrics:

I love having sex with bearded men,
I love having sex with bearded men,
They tickle, tickle my vagina; they tickle me with their beard

I love having sex with bearded men,
I love having sex with bearded men,
They tickle, tickle my vagina; they tickle me with their beard

I am the queen of vagina,
I am the queen of promiscuous
I am the queen of genita-,
Come tickle, tickle my vagina

Come have sex with my vagina,
Come have sex with my vagina
Come have sex with my vagina,
Come tickle, tickle my vagina

I got juicy vagina, juicy vagina,
Wet, wet, wet, juicy vagina
Juicy vagina, juicy vagina,
Wet, wet, wet, juicy vagina

Juicy vagina, juicy vagina,
Wet, wet, wet, juicy vagina

I am the queen of vagina,
I am the queen of promiscuous
I am the queen of genita-,
Come tickle, tickle my vagina

Come have sex with my vagina,
Come have sex with my vagina
Come have sex with my vagina,
Come tickle, tickle my vagina

I got juicy vagina, juicy vagina,
Wet, wet, wet, juicy vagina
Juicy vagina, juicy vagina,
Wet, wet, wet, juicy vagina

Juicy vagina, juicy vagina,
Wet, wet, wet, juicy vagina

I am the queen of vagina,
I am the queen of promiscuous
I am the queen of genita-,
Come tickle, tickle my vagina

Come have sex with my vagina,
Come have sex with my vagina
Come have sex with my vagina,
Come tickle, tickle my vagina

I got juicy vagina, juicy vagina,
Wet, wet, wet, juicy vagina
Juicy vagina, juicy vagina,
Wet, wet, wet, juicy vagina

Juicy vagina, juicy vagina,
Wet, wet, wet, juicy vagina
Juicy vagina, juicy vagina,
Wet, wet, wet, juicy vagina

I am the queen of vagina,
I am the queen of promiscuous
I am the queen of genita-,
Come tickle, tickle my vagina

Come have sex with my vagina,
Come have sex with my vagina

I got juicy vagina, juicy vagina,
Wet, wet, wet, juicy vagina
Juicy vagina, juicy vagina,
Wet, wet, wet, juicy vagina

Juicy vagina, juicy vagina,
Wet, wet, wet, juicy vagina
Juicy vagina, juicy vagina,
Wet, wet, wet, juicy vagina

Juicy vagina, juicy vagina,
Wet, wet, wet, juicy vagina

Bad girl! Bad girl!

Setup a throwaway email and sign up to as many guru lists as you can. Faster than you can say “Fuck you Shoemoney,” your box will be filled with one guru email after another. They will promote their own products, and they will promote each other products just as hard. It just doesn’t stop.

Guru Product Release Schedule

Can’t seem to quench your thirst for guru product launches? Here’s a list of known product launches for the next 3 months. I can’t vouch for the accuracy but I don’t really give a shit. I stole it from here.

July 1st – Alex Shelton (With George Brown) – IM Elite
July 1st – Tom Bell + Shawn Casey – Fast Profit Pages
July 6th – Craig Dawber – Google Supremacy
July 6th – Anik Singal + Saj P. – Clickbank Wealth Formula
July 6th – Trey Smith – Penny Traffic
July 8th – Joe Walter + Tom Howe – Ultimate CPA Blueprint
July 12th – Matt Benwell – Rapid Automated Income
July 13th – Jani Ghaffor – FB Siphon
July 15th – Andrew Fox – Nuclear Affiliate
July 15th – Alan Magliocca – List Laundering 2
July 20th – Chris Freville – Internet Marketing Empire
July 22nd – Brian Johnson + Spike Humer – Vision Made Real Business Building 2.0 Summit
July 22nd – Anthony Jones – Affiliate Annihilation
July 24th – Russell Brunson – Instant Social Anarchy
July 27th – Mark Ling – AffiloJetpack
July 27th – Sean Clark – Slide In Code
July 27th – Pawan Agrawal – MaxBlogPress: Subscribers Magnet
July 27th – Mark Lyford – Millionaire Profit Secrets
July 28th – Ryan Deiss – Perpetual Traffic Formula
July 29th – Jeremy Schoemaker – ShoeMoney System 2.0

August 3rd – Ian Ross – Turbo Profit Sniper
August 3rd – Adam Horwitz – Mobile Monopoly
August 5th – Mind Movies 2.0
August 5th – Paul Lemberg – Blueprints To Profits
August 9th – Tim Godfrey + Steven Clayton – Info Prodigy
August 9th – Rob Benwell – Auto Blog System X
August 10th – Steven Johnson + Steven James – Online Income Flood
August 12th – Eric Rockefeller – Quick Cash Concept
August 17th – Chris Cobb – AIS Home Study Course
August 17th – Greg Jacobs -TBA
August 19th – Kieran Gill + Imran S – Auto Traffic Avalanche
August 23rd – Steven Lee Jones – Traffic Anarchy
August 24th – Bill McRea + Mike Williams – Never Fail Listbuilding System
August 26th – Ritoban Chakrabarti – CPA Instruments
August 31st – Sara Young – Easy Paycheck Formula

September 1st – James Francis – Web Design For Internet Marketers
September 7th – Alex Goad – Rank Builder
September 7th – Adeel Chowdhry + Bobby Walker – Hyper FB Traffic
September 14th – George Brown + Andrew X – TBA
September 14th – Norman Freeman – Turbo Business System
September 20th – Paul Ponna – Mega Software Launch (TBA)
September 21st – Oli Tee – Zero Down Traffic Blueprint
September 23rd – Jeff Johnson – TBA
September 28th – Mo Latif – TBA

I’m Worried

I’m worried for these gurus if it keeps going this way.

These people are getting rich selling the dream to the weak-minded individuals that love to empty their wallets for some hope. Well, some are getting rich. Many are copy-cats that are watering down watered down information.

The ones getting rich know how to sell the dream. But their success means people copy, and what you see is above is just a giant shit-ton of product launches. There’s about one every other day. Some days there are two launches!

Will They Run Out of Names?
Even with the the “Guru Name Generator” I’m worried that these gurus will run out of names. There are only so many ways you can mix the words ‘formula’ ’system’ and ‘empire’

With all of these product launches, it seems like there will come a point when they run out of names. This is similar to the internet running out of IP addresses. A very serious problem!

Will the Circle of Trust Become Too Big?
If you don’t know, now you know. The guru game is all about partnerships. You build your list, and they build theirs. Then you meet up and sell your shit to each others list. When people buy your shit, you upsell them someone else’s shit.

This works with a tight-knit group of people, but with so many people joining the “I don’t know shit about anything but I can pretend I do” game, the circle of trust gets too big. Pretty soon its not a circle, and its just a giant blob of bullshit. Where is the integrity?!

Will They Run Out of Customers?
LOL Is you stupid bro? Will diet advertisers run out of fat people?

Gurus love to email you. They don’t give a fuck. Some mail you once a week, but others like Howie Shitbag mail you 12 times a day. All these emails and all these gurus means we might run out of servers for sending the emails! The ConstantContact headquarters might explode!

But Really…
I’m only worried that the guru game might attract government attention. Out of all these product launches, there has to be SOME false advertising. (OK MOST of it is) One day a government organization like the FTC might step in and shut shit down. Gurus will have their Ferraris and beach front homes seized! The Horror! The Horror!!!