Clickbooth Contest You Don’t Want to Win

What the fuck is this shit?

I’m going to take it easy, only because it’s for charity, but seriously, what the fuck?

Take a look at the following banner for a contest being put on by Clickbooth….

Before you read on, you will also want to read the Contest details for a good laugh.

Have you ever wondered what it’s like to live like a Super Affiliate? The money, the exposure, the opportunities – it all comes along with being one of the top dogs in the industry.

If you care about anything other than the money, then something is wrong with your head. If your goal is to suck off John Chow and Zac Johnson, you need to check your head and commit suicide.

While it usually takes a lot of hard work and sacrifice to be in the top 2% of affiliate marketers, we put together this contest to not only give you a taste of what it’s like to live like a Super Affiliate, but also to provide you with some great opportunities that will help you achieve that level of success quicker.

What? What the fuck does being “reviewed” by Ian Fernando have to do with being in the top 2%? FACT: 90% of the Top 2% wouldn’t blog if it meant saving their grandmother’s life.

Keep in mind this contest is only for “new” affiliates, which generally means complete nubs, as most affiliates with any experience have a) Already heard of Clickbooth, b) would not want to win these prizes.

Let’s have a look at these glorious prizes, shall we?

• Weekend Trip to Sarasota, Florida (Hang out with Clickbooth for the weekend and receive the ultimate Super Affiliate treatment!) – Fair enough. A vacation. Fine.
• 125×125 ad on JohnChow.com for 1 Month – Here’s where this contest can start eating shit. What the fuck would you want a banner on John Chow.com for? You only have to compete with the other 90 banners on his blog. And what are you going to do with the retards coming from his blog to your blog anyway?
• Guest Post or Product/Service Review on JohnChow.com – Well shit, like this is something special? If you can sell it, chances are, Chow has posted about it 13 times. His whole blog is a gimmick to sell shit to people. He needs to blog about some shit that will cut down those massive chompers of his.
• Guest Post on ZacJohnson.com – Glory Glory Hallelujah! If I won this prize, I would want Zac Johnson to write a review about my balls. I would draw a smiley face on my balls, then send him pictures. The comedy would start when he is forced to come up with 500 words about my balls.
• 1 Ticket to Leads Con in Vegas – I’ve never been to LeadsCon, but it looks to me like the tickets are free. (if not free, cheap enough)
• 1 Platinum Pass to Affiliate Summit West – The only legit prize here. But all you need is the Hall pass because if you spend all day at the sessions you should stab yourself in the eye.
• An Interview on MurrayNewlands.com – I have Murray in my reader, but I have never spent more than 3 seconds reading a post. All this guy does is interview people. Why? Does anyone actually watch the interviews? There is no bigger waste of time on the internet than watching interviews with unknown people. I’ll watch an interview with Dullspace, because he is the world’s 2nd most interesting man. But some shlub newbie affiliate… well, go fuck yourself.
• Product/Service Review on IanFernando.com – Ian will surely give you a good review, whoever you are, random newbie.
• Membership to Twit Sniper – Pointless. No one makes money on twitter.
• 30 Minute Consulting Call with Super Affiliate Zac Johnson – What would I ask him, my true love, Zac Johnson? How many Spiderman costumes he owns? How he comes up with all of those interesting posts on his blog? What he thinks about when he is taking a shit? Oh, woe is me!

I hate this contest because it perpetuates the notion that you need a blog in order to make monies online. Blogs should be entertainment only. They don’t make money (in this game) and are a waste of time. The only time you should consider one is if you’ve already attained some success, and you want to leverage your blog into more exposure (or if you want Free Press Passes to Conferences). Even then you would rather be low-key.

But if you are some newbie, then you have nothing to say. No one gives a fuck about you and your blog, or your making money online “journey.” Shut the fuck up and get to work and stop thinking that touching John Chow’s giant flat-top haircut has anything to do with success.

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