Category Archives: Rants

Do Good Affiliate Marketing Blogs Go to Heaven?

So it’s been a month or so since I last posted. I need a change of pace from writing Javascript to writing some words and sentences that don’t end with a semi-colon or curly bracket.

This post from Shoemoney was brought to my attention earlier today.

Basically, some fool wants to know why good affiliate marketing blogs “die out” after time. Somehow, gets mentioned with actual good blogs like bluehat and slightlyshady. ( Notice, unlike the bear jew Shoemoney, I link to things I talk about.)

History of – Why Did This Blog Start?

I did not start this blog to show how smart or clever I am. I started this blog because I had a domain sitting around, and thought it would be fun to make a mockery of affiliate marketing.

It certainly wasn’t for money either, because it was about a year, maybe two, after this blog started before I even put some ads up or promoted any product via affiliate link. I doubt any of the other blogs mentioned were started for money. If they were, shit, at least they had good content.

The problem arises when affiliate blogs are started for money. Idiots start blogging because they saw John Chow or Shoe get rich by blogging so now they’re blogging about ‘getting rich by blogging.’ These clowns are people that just regurgitate low-level information, spam referral links to ‘networks’ they haven’t pushed $1 with, or simply publish bullshit about “success” while living still living in their moms basement. ( i kid with Nick though – he is a beacon of hope in the affiliate industry.)

Whatever the case, when the intentions are about money and not providing real value, you get a shitty blog that only the dumbest, most novice people will return to. The fucked up part is that there are a lot of these mindless followers, and that only strokes the ego of said blogger so they continue with their bullshit.

Ah, the glory days…

At the time when started (late 2008-ish), it was the heyday of flogs and acai berry rebills. “Oh what’s that? You need a colon cleanse too?” Facebook Ads were calling out ladies with ‘muffin tops’ and Obama himself was giving out government grants. One simple trick.

At the time, networks respected their affiliate managers because you couldn’t just hire any person off the street to do this job ( I mean you could, and that’s what networks do now- but still.) Networks like Copeac still paid affiliates because money just flowed in – people like Deepak Agarwal were still paying those networks because they weren’t on the run from the law getting their assets seized.

At the time, Vince Offer was pitching Shamwow all over the TV, instead of going to prison for slapping hookers.

At the time, the greatest Pitchman of all, Billy Mays was still alive and pitching. R.I.P. Homie. :: pours one out ::

So I threw WordPress on this domain, gave my friends accounts, and people posted a whole lot of funny bullshit.

But it was also a good time for “gurus” who churned out shitty info products at an alarming rate. This excess of informational product bullshit sparked some ideas so I cornered the niche on breaking guru balls. If there was a guru out there promoting shitty shit, you best believe I was gonna Photoshop jizz in their face.

The craziest part of all was the affiliate rap music. I mean, there was some honestly good shit produced. This is still my favorite. SPAMTECH COMING WITH THE FORCE CANT HOLD US.

How fucking high were we?

Why Do Good Blogs Really Die?

Yo what the fuck was I talking about anyway? Gettin’ sidetracked reminiscing on the good ol’ days.

I do hate to do this, but I agree with Shoemoney in his post.

The more you know, the less you want to share. Especially in an industry that severely lacks in the originality department. When you provide good value, you get linked to and talked about. At first provided little value, but the content was funny and caused controversy. The popularity increases your reach, so when you give away a specific technique or resource, it gets pounded into uselessness much faster (concerning useful blogs, of course). Strategy X or Z is no longer exploitable when every body knows.

But there is something that Shoe forgot to mention. Earl Grey addresses it in that post’s comments: …Some people just cant multi task. Or more specifically: Writing content that provides value takes a lot of fucking time.

I don’t know why the other blogs mentioned died off (I think nickycakes has a podcast or something now though) … I can’t speak for them, but thinking about it now, some of my best posts took a solid half a day to write. Sometimes it is just exhausting to write this shit. I can’t imagine how long it took Eli of to write some his posts that took like 20 sheets of paper to print. YEAH BACK IN THE DAY I READ SEO ARTICLES ON THE TOILET. WHAT OF IT?

But there was definitely a time when I was pumping about 3-5 posts a week here, maybe more.

For me, writing is a labor of love. The ROI on writing is pretty dismal, so when I have goals to reach I actually work on them instead of spending 5 hours writing what is essentially a book report. Sure I can pitch some more shit, but then the value of the blog decreases when every other post is “here buy this!”

You can make more money simply by applying the shit you’re talking about. That simple. After the first year or two or three, the novelty wears off. Time is valuable and you don’t want to waste it. There are only so many guru products I can bash before it becomes more “work” than “fun.” (I still can’t believe I am #1 for his name. Buddy, I will delete that post… for a small price, of course…)

There is only so much time you can dedicate to blogging before you are choosing to go down that path….

Does one focus on the actual work of building a campaign or business, or does one try to brand himself as the business? “Do I want to write every day?” “Do I want to be at every single conference, snapping pics of my dinner plate that some network paid for?” “Do I want to shill myself for company XYZ6 even though most of the industry hates them?” “Do I want to cater to newbies?!” No, No, No, and FUCK NO! (OK I did the last one a few times but I try to keep it classy)

You’ll blog less because its more profitable to do other things – or you just don’t like being a conference going-whore picture whore. If you want to get rich blogging (ie; make it worth your time), you have sell the fuck out. I shudder at the thought.

Finch is starting to figure how to make blogging pay consistently, but he’s British and they study the Oxford Dictionary in grade school. I bet he writes those posts in his sleep. They fucking love to write.

Will Go to Heaven?

Let me just say that isn’t dead yet. Yeah, the time between posts seems to get longer and longer, but I still do enjoy writing [this very post you’re reading!] But at this point in my life, I’d rather spend my time working on my own business then spending all my time trying to become a full-time, full-fledged, free-dinner-grubbing, blogger.

Useless Service #296 – CPA Bull Automatic Signups to CPA Networks

From an inside tip on Wickedfire (via faceblogger), comes something from the “What the fuck are they thinking?” files.

CPA Bull is a “special” service for the “special” people at Warrior Forum that signs you up to 150+ affiliate networks. The official CPA Bull site features a low-budget state senator candidate that wants to make everyone’s life simpler. Tired of spending all day signing up to, confirming with, and getting rejected by CPA networks? Well fret no more, because CPA Bull is here!

Here’s my review of CPA Bull and why it’s completely useless.

1. I Don’t Trust This Clown – Judging by the cheap suit on the sales page, I can only assume that this guy is out to collect data and do dirt with it. He’ll more than likely spam the shit out of any contact information he has on you. Worse, he’ll have access to your more personal data like address, social security number or EIN. Good thing it’s only for “warriors” who are “special”, right?

2. Signing up to Affiliate Networks is Hard and Annoying – God, so many applications to fill out! Ugh, it’s so hard remembering my address and phone number and email! Ugh, I gotta waste 90 seconds filling out 30 fields! It’s soooooo hard! Now I gotta confirm my email address after signing up?! How annoying! There’s got to be a better way!

3. Signing up to 150+ Affiliate Networks is Necessary – What’s worse than giving a complete stranger your data? Letting that complete stranger submit your information to 150+ affiliate networks.

For one, even if you got approved to half of these networks, why would you want to? Affiliate networks are notorious for spamming you with the best, hottest, and most exclusive offers. You might as well stuff a few email submits why you’re at it to ruin your inbox further.

Next, most affiliates I know doing the right thing signup to an affiliate network for a reason. They either got a referral, met someone from the network, or need a specific offer. I don’t know of anyone making money that spends their entire day signing up to all the hasOffers networks out there. Joining a network is about .01% of the entire equation, so it continues to blow my mind that these ‘tards keep making it an issue.

4. Affiliate Networks Probably Hate This – Frauds and bums probably make up 96% of all applications to affiliate networks as it is. I can only guess at the influx of shitty applications to affiliate networks that CPA Bull will cause, but I assure you- a fraud’s a fraud. Whether you’re filling out an application from Bangladesh or using CPA Bully, the chances of you getting approved to an affiliate network will remain the same: Approved for Denial

5. Affiliate Commissions Not Gonna Make Your Rich – There’s this common misconception in affiliate marketing that people get rich from referral commissions. This is purely false, and if this is your only avenue of making money online then you’re doing it wrong. Too many people want to follow in John Chow’s footsteps by starting an blog about making money online, getting people to sign up to affiliate networks thinking they’ll make money online, and then never actually make money online.

CPA Bull is going to rake in the pennies with their service! Here’s how:

– Get 1,000 “warriors” to sign up to CPA Bull. That’s a very generous number because I assume that CPA Bull will get about 49 signups then fade into oblivion.
– Submit those 1,000 people to 150 CPA networks.
– 150,000 applications submitted! 50% get auto-rejected right off the bat.
– 75,000 applications left. 50% of those will never “pick up the phone” for their phone interview (lol if this actually a requirement)
– 37,500 left. 20% of those make it through miraculously.
– 7,500 turn into real live signups to affiliate networks. Since we started with 1,000 people, that’s about 7.5 network signups per person.
– But remember! 97% of “affiliates” won’t make a dollar online!. So we’re down to 30 people, with 225 network signups in total left.
– The rest of the “warriors” average about $10 a day (generously, at each network), so that’s $2,250 per day in revenue generated by CPA Bull affiliates. At 2%, that’s $45 per day that CPA Bull is making in this completely fictitious scenario. Escobar status indeed.

Double Standards in Advertising – Internet vs Traditional Media

Do you listen to the radio and watch TV? If you’re like me, you don’t. Terrestrial radio sucks ass, and TV is only worth watching with a TiVo, so its not often I hear or see commercials.

It seems like government regulatory agencies like the Federal Trade Commission have their sights set on online advertisers. Every new story from the FTC is related to someone(s) doing something (allegedly) shady with the Internets.

But have you seen some of the advertisements that play on traditional media?

Debt Crisis in America featuring Obama

I don’t know if this commercial still runs, it’s a little old. But I know I’ve seen it a few weeks ago on TV, so it had some staying power.

Imagine the balls it would take for any online advertiser or affiliate to speak Obama’s name on their landing page today. Of course, people did this when grant offers became popular a year or so ago. Within weeks the FTC shut it down.

But that Obama commercial above? That’s been running for months since then, well into 2010.

And its not like they’re just tying Obama’s name to it. The entire commercial is produced to look as official and misleading as possible. It’s got a goddamn clip from an Obama press conference! The balls!

So What the Fuck, FTC?

Government regulation is a killer for entrepreneurs, especially online advertisers. In some cases, government intervention is necessary. When something gets out of hand, it’s time to put the old kabash on it and ruin the fun for everybody.

So if government wants to regulate advertisers, why don’t they focus on some of the shit that is advertised on TV and radio? Why do they focus on the people that are using the new media – the internet, THE FUTURE, rather than advertisers using old media?

Why Does Traditional Media Get a Free Pass?

Just talking out of my ass, but the main reason is that its very easy to track on the internet. People can take a screenshot, and there is Exhibit A. People can send a link to their friends or report it to a government agency easily.

With TV, you’d be hard-pressed to find many people that know how to rip a commercial from live TV or Radio. Who is going to sit around waiting for that commercial to play again? What government regulator lackey would sit around watching and listening the thousands of channels out there? None.

On the internet – its static. Always there. Always ready to be linked and documented.

Other Examples

I don’t want to out anyone’s specific shit here, but here are some more examples of double-standards in advertising. Discloure is the main element missing from radio and TV commercials. If you ever heard an auto dealer / car commercial, half of it is disclosure. About 90% of any medical commercial is disclosure.

But advertising “newer” things, that are common on the internet, rarely has disclosure.

Free Laptop – “You mean a Free Laptop?” “Yes!” “What’s the catch?” “There is none! It’s absolutely Free!” You can’t do that shit on the internet, kids.

Colon Cleanse – “Right now, as part of a special weight loss experiment, we’re looking for 20 people in your area to try a Free Bottle of ColonBlowX. Call now!” No disclosure whatsoever about whats in store for the buyer. A phone agent is supposed to give disclosure, but often they won’t. There’s no way to audit individual conversations. Call centers record calls, but at random. And if a call looks bad for that advertiser, “Delete!”

Debt – Huge on radio and TV. The Obama example above is just one example. To be fair, debt offers online rarely disclose what they really are – shady as all fuck.

Anyway – the point of this post is: Fuck the FTC! Stop hating on the internet. Go watch some TV and listen to radio, and you’ll find some shady shit to go after within minutes. For fuck’s sake, they’re advertising to your grandma during daytime TV! You don’t want them ripping off your grandma, do you FTC?!

Gasland – Natural Gas Extraction Documentary

There’s a documentary that just came out on HBO called Gasland. I highly recommend you watch it. If you don’t have HBO, surely you can find a torrent for it. The documentary is actually very good film-making too. It’s a compelling film even though the subject matter is very morbid.

I don’t plan on turning this blog into a political outlet or anything, but if you give one fucking shit about America, then all I want is for you to be aware of what is going on with current natural gas extraction process.

I’m not politically active. I figure this blog gets a thousand or more visitors a day – if I can at least help expose the truth to some people, then its justified.

I’m going to go over some of the main points of Gasland. But there is truly too much to write about. You have to see the film to get a feel for the big picture.

Unregulated Hydraulic Fracturing

To extract the gas from the earth, the Natural Gas industry uses hydraulic fracturing, which is the process of pumping thousands upon thousands of gallons of water in the earth, breaking it apart the shale below and releasing the gas.

The kicker is the chemicals and toxins they use in the process. It’s not just water – it’s a toxic soup designed to make the gas extraction process easier.

Around 600+ chemicals are used. Only about 50% of this water is recovered. The rest? The rest of the wastewater is still in the ground. Most of it doesn’t bio-degrade. Most of it ends up in peoples drinking water if they live nearby. These chemicals are some of the nastiest shit known to man. Not safe for human consumption.

Think it’s a small problem? There are thousands upon thousands of natural gas wells in the United States, and the Natural Gas industry is in the biggest boom of its history.

Property gets ruined. People get permanently sick.

All for the mighty dollar. Money comes and goes, but you can’t replace a stream, river, or landscape.

Does this even effect me?

What if you live in Jersey, NYC, or Philadelphia? There’s no nearby land available for the gas-extraction process. I don’t care about the rest of the natural landscape in the United States being ruined, how does it effect me?

Natural Gas wants to drill in the rural areas of PA and NY, near the Delaware River Watershed. These chemicals will end up in the natural water supply for millions of people.

Shit, If millions of people got sick, then maybe someone would regulate the natural gas industry.

Why Is this Allowed?

Because the EPA is asleep at the wheel.

Thousands of reports of people getting sick and water supplies being destroyed – yet the Natural gas industry continues to deny. The EPA, the regulatory committee that’s supposed to be setting rules in place, apparently can’t do anything. (See the Haliburton Loophole)

The natural gas industry is exempt from all laws that have been put into place that protect our water, air, and environment. Nixon, yes, NIXON signed these Acts into place decades ago.

Nixon initiated the Environmental Decade by signing the National Environmental Policy Act, the Clean Air Act of 1970 and the Federal Water Pollution Control Act amendments of 1972, as well as establishing many government agencies. These included the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), the Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA), and the Council on Environmental Quality. The Clean Air Act was noted as one of the most significant pieces of environmental legislation ever signed.

The natural gas industry is exempt from these laws. The are completely unregulated, and are taking over American soil and destroying it in their wake.

Dick Cheney and Halliburton

It should come as no surprise that a law that directly benefits the Halliburton corporation was signed by Dick Cheney. Read about it here

If there was ever a poster-boy for “conflict of interest” – using political power to benefit your corporate friends – then it’s Dick Cheney. The Halliburton loophole, the Iraq War, so on and so forth.

I’m curious. Is Dick Cheney the most evil man to walk the planet, or did he get caught sucking dick or taking it in the ass or something? Either he truly is evil, or someone at Halliburton got pictures of him sucking a dick, and have been blackmailing him in every possible way during his Vice-presidency.

“Hey Cheney. Let’s go to war and you give us all the government contracts. What? Well, I guess the New York Times is going to have to get a hold of these pictures of you sucking off an 9 year old boy.”

No I kid. He really is evil.

Not depressed enough over the BP oil spill?

See Gasland

Listen Google

Google, this is a message to you.

Check this page if you’re logged into an active Gmail account. If you’re like me, you’ll see all these secondary connections.

What fuck is this shit?

Stop trying to be my fucking social network.

But first- I only found out about that social network bullshit from google because I was doing a search, and see this “Results from your social network” tidbit. So apparently Google is dropping in results from people that you’re connected to (by google’s standards though! – I got 2 one-night stands in my “social network.” wtfbbq?)

I seriously think that there are a few “go-getters” at Google, that want some of this social networking action.

Listen here fuckwads…

Google, you are a giant corporation. You need to stop slipping shit on your users. This is getting out of hand.

Just give us the shit we want. illegal music, torrents, other peoples content, and multiple repositories of our favorite fetish.

I don’t want to socially connect with anyone through Google. I want to use Google to find shit. Stick with helping people find shit. Not connecting me with long lost skanks.

And if you do want that “social network” aspect, don’t fucking force it on people. Like some creepy advance by a mouth-breathing affiliate, who has about 10 minutes till the roofies kick-in on his affiliate manager, but he can’t really contain himself.

Every company has to “launch” something, you know, at least make people aware that it’s coming. What was that called?

Oh yeah, opt-in.

You may call it BETA, but i call it forced entry. My rights are being violated, and my privacy fondled!

I want to use you for looking up the closest pharmacy and liquor store, furry porn, marijuana dispensary, and footprints of targets…. errrr websites! (for all the right reasons of course).

Stop trying to be my social network dickheads!

Wait!!! How did furry porn get in there? Oh no… it’s too late!!

NOOOOO IT’S TOO LATE! Google started giving me Tyler Cruz’s search results!

Tipping Point

In yesterday’s party post, I made a little fuss about people that don’t tip in this industry. Some may think it rude that I call out an entire industry on this point, and others may find it downright disrespectful.

“You’re an idiot! I always tip! :: scoffing sounds :: ”

So you might be asking – “Barman, who are the cheapskates that don’t tip the service staff at industry functions?”

There is no particular person or anything, it’s just a general trend I see (and based on the comments on the last post, I’m not the only one.)

For some reason, I think affiliates think they are entitled to the free shit that networks and sponsors give them. If there is a social function like a party, affiliates feel like “oh the network is paying for everything – I don’t have to spend a dime!” Wrong asshole. The network or sponsor does pay for everything, but they don’t pay the tips for the service at these events. Sometimes the sponsor might feel so bad for the service staff they tip them out, because of the cheap-ass affiliates. This is truly a fucking shame.

But there was particular event that stands with me to this day. An event I never want to repeat.

It was the Denver Affiliate Convention, many years ago (or maybe it was last year.) I wouldn’t have gone to this convention if I didn’t live like 30 minutes away.

Scott Richter of held an after party event at his “gentleman’s club” called Platinum something or other. Basically everyone in the industry was invited to hang out at the strip club and either look at titties or talk about business.

Anyway, I won’t get into the total mindfuck that was. (Seeing to the Shoemoney logo flash on the TV screens while getting a lap dance made me get a boner and throw-up in my mouth at the same time. The mindfuck is that I don’t know which was responsible for which.)

An hour or two into the night, me and bb_wolfe were outside smoking drugs, and we ran into ladies that were waiting for a ride home. Clearly they were strippers because there are no females in affiliate marketing.

So I asked them what’s up.

“We’re getting out of here.”
“Why is that?”
“We’re not really making any money.”
“Yeah, no one is tipping.”

The convo went on for a little while longer and they eventually left. I walked back into the club and saw that she was right. There were these sad, nearly lifeless, strippers dancing like they were forced to. If you ever played Grand Theft Auto IV and walked into the virtual titty bar, you know what I mean. Animated and contrived.

It was then I thought to myself – “I never want this to happen to me.”

“I never want to be a part of a party where strippers leave.”

The service staff at these events are the lifeblood of the entertainment. If they aren’t getting taken care of, their hearts won’t be into it. And if they’re not into it – expect slow, nearly unbearable service getting drinks. That in turn will ruin the fun everyone is having.

And if strippers are involved, they will leave.

You don’t really want that, do you?

The Big Business of Newbs

If you haven’t noticed by now, there are a ton of seminars, systems, and stupid shit popping up – all designed to help the next retard make monies online. If you’re like me, then you think (most of) this shit is gay and only cons people in the false hope of getting rich online. Nearly every day, there is a new blueprint or thingamabob that promises wealth and fast automobiles for the unsuspecting masses.

Let’s look at the facts (which I am making up as I go along):

If you’re a member of Warrior Forum or Digital Point or any other forum, you probably consider yourself an online marketer. Or if you read Shoemoney or John Chow you have some interest in this internet thing. You are (at least you think you are) in the business of “making money online.”

The fact is 20%, maybe 15% or 10%, of people make any kind of reasonable income. These are the people who have some fucking sense and have figured out, in their own little niche or vertical (most readers of, how to make monies without a job or boss or whatever you people do with your 9 to 5.

The rest are just shit-for-brains individuals that are lured by promises of an easier lifestyle. Most will fail, and most of those will fail over and over. There’s nothing wrong with failing, but there is something wrong with doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results (example: Buying Warrior Forum Special Offers or WSOs.)

[side note: If you don’t know what a WSO is – it’s basically a market place on Warrior Forum for make money online e-books and shit like that. Check it out here (but don’t stay too long, lest you lose brain cells). It is like watching sheep go to the slaughter.]

So people complain and shout – “All these ‘gurus’ are ripping people off!” or “No one is going to get anywhere using that system!” or “John Reese killed my father and raped my mother!”

Usually the people who have made money online and can see through the bullshit.

So…. so what?

The Market Size

I can tell people to not buy this and call that system lame, and I can do it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, forever, but new make money online systems will keep coming out.

The size of the “make money online” market is huge, and it’s only getting bigger. It’s called the Internet and it touches nearly everyone. You can’t get your head around how big the Internet truly is, which is why I want to kill people who ask “Can you still make money online?”

Internet yo.

And it’s still in its infancy. There isn’t a channel dedicated to online businesses, but one day there will be. The New Dork is coming.

It’s Just Marketing – Plain and Simple

With an infinite supply of people wanting to make money online (recession + job loss + internet growth), do you even need a good product?

Well, if you pay attention to any “Guru launches,” then no, you don’t need a good product. You can shit on your scanner and export it to a PDF and get by. You just need good marketing and exposure. And it’s so easy to market to people because all you need to do is say “Make X number of dollars in Y easily!” Insert any amount for X and any amount of time for Y.

I talked to Shoemoney about his system recently. He gave me a pass into his System, and it is pretty much what I expected: Newbie-tailored bullshit.

But is that so bad?

Shoe actually provides some good content. Before you flip out and call me a ball-licker, “good content” means its better than some of the other shit out there. Shoemoney wants to reach complete tards, and he does it with dozens of videos any idiot can watch. He meets the needs of his demographic and that’s all he really needs to do. If a complete idiot watched it they would know about 80% of what they need to know (the easy part) to make money online.

So can you hate Shoe for gettin 1800+ people paying 200 or so a month? I hate Shoe, but not for this reason.

Back to market-size – Talking with Shoe he said that the “Making money online” niche will be as big as Poker. If you were into Poker at all you know that there were a ton of books and systems and coaching programs that came out during the trend. Most of them just regurgitated the strategies from a few core authors (Doyle Brunson for example) Same shit with online marketing.

Being Helpful to Newbs Means Popularity

And if you still can’t figure out this making money online thing, you can start a blog and post the shit newbies love! This means free shit that will never work in the real world (random pics of chicks for your FB ads), or 5 dolla landing pages because most people don’t know what the fuck Photoshop even is. isn’t as big as it could be, because I don’t fucking care about newbs. If I did, I’d have thousands of readers – but I don’t need idiots reading this blog. But some how, some way, got relatively popular by entertaining that tiny sliver of the market – the part that makes monies.

If I sold out tomorrow and started promoting Frank Kern products, 90% of my reader-base would leave but I’d quadruple the amount of readers I have. That 80% of people who don’t make money online will keep buying shit until they either run out of money, or something clicks and they join the 20%.

The Moral of the Story

So what the fuck was I getting at? Really I don’t remember.

I just need to say some things –

The influx of newbies into the industry will only grow. You will see more and more stupid systems and programs being released, and there’s nothing you can do to stop them. (Fortunately that means more material for to work with)

Your Volks and Shoemoneys will keep posting generic material (Volk’s dipshit affiliate marketing guide) and they will continue to grow. This will keep happening, until everybody in the world runs their own make money online blog.

The moral of the story is we need less newbies in this industry, but the reality is that there will only be more.

We can hate all we want, but people are making bank catering to this need.

(But, in truth, I will certainly hate all I want)

Trade Secrets

Ever wonder how Peter North defiles the faces and chests of the broads he bangs in porn with those massive loads of his? He won’t tell you, because that’s a trade secret. He has stated that one day, when he retires, he’ll let the industry know how he does it.

Every industry has its trade secrets. Coke has its secret formula, Google has its search algorithms, and porn stars know the secret to keeping a hard-on in front of a group of people.

Affiliate marketing is no different. Insert hard-on joke here. We’re not Fortune 500 corporations, but rather individual entrepreneurs.

This is kind of a continuation of my “No One’s Gonna Tell You Shit” post. A plea for people to stop wasting time and to start getting shit done. A true trade secret is something specific. Do X with Y for Z result. It’s something you pick up from experience or your day to day communications.

With the sheer size of the internet, there are so many things to sell and so many places to sell them, it would require an infinite amount of money to test everything. If you knew what worked where, everywhere (which Google is pretty close to knowing), then you would be so rich you could slap Sergey Brin with your dick.

But no one really has that all-knowing knowledge. As individuals, we find traffic source after traffic source, and we find out if it works or doesn’t for what we’re doing. These are trade secrets, but we might just call it experience. Link sources, which media works for what creatives, so on and so forth – all of it is something you know that your peers may not, but definitely someone jumping into the affiliate space won’t know.

Earning Some Fucking Respect

It always pisses me off, and I’m certainly not the only one, at how many retards there are out there begging for a hand-out. All these retards on Wickedfire (not to mention Digital Point and Warrior Forum) asking how they can make monies online. In addition, there are a million “affiliate bloggers” regurgitating dumb, common-sense shit just so they can feel good about themselves when their RSS reader goes up by 2.

A bunch of people have said this, and it’s fucking true: “Affiliate Marketing isn’t hard, it’s just hard work.” Bums don’t want to test shit, don’t want to get on the phone, don’t want to make the sacrifices to learn their own trade secrets.

People don’t appreciate free. If you posted some long, work-intensive plan for creating an online business, 99% of people would not follow it. They’d bombard you with questions on “why isn’t this easier?” They want to know why you don’t just tell them shit they can set-up in an hour and make four figures a day.

The few that put in the long hours and invested the money to learn their own “trade secrets” deserve them. Why should they fucking tell you how they’re making monies online?

If you’ve earned some respect by being able to acquire traffic and push those berries (or any anything else really), then it’s easier for someone to tell you what they are doing and trust you, over some random bum. Make some connections at conferences and meet-ups, and share the wealth, but don’t go posting shit that works on public forums and blogs. (This is to a certain degree of course… we are just hating on the people that out pretty specific things in public places. Guidelines, advice – fine. Someone’s LP along with traffic source – GTFO.)

Why is There a Lack of Good Information

If you visit Wickedfire, you’ve noticed that the quality of the forum has dropped like a rock in the past 18 months. Affiliates want less competition. Less newbies jacking up bid prices. Less newbies outing your lander because they want to feel like they are important. Less retards making it harder on the people that make a living doing this.

That’s why the trolling has been turned up to 11. Kick it up a fucking notch. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying it’s bad. Shit son, I encourage it. I am on the forefront of trolling retards so they blow their money and give up. GTFO. No one makes monies online. Dullspace.

If you couldn’t before, now you can see why people are so defensive of their own trade secrets.

Good Information is out there. There are some programs that can blow your world up, despite their “Guru” style and long ass sales page. But there are just so many copycats, $7 e-book peddlers, and “me too!” scumbags out there, that it all looks exactly the same. It’s hard to know what to put your money into. Having that knowledge is a trade secret in its own way.

You’re better off jumping in investing your own time and money to pave your own way. Shut down the lame ass blogs and forums, and put your head down and hustle.

Rejoice! There are Enough Trade Secrets for Everybody

Not to discourage you newbies because you have no friends, but there are enough trade secrets out there for everyone. SEO, PPC, Media, Mailing – each avenue is a huge section of our industry in its own right. You could spend years in just one specific avenue learning all you can and make a substantial living.

Stop jumping from this to that and focus on one thing that you can make work. Stop chasing after delusions of grandeur because you read some blogger makes X amount of figures a month. Learn everything you can about something specific so you are least know what you’re talking about. Knowledge is something you can exchange for other knowledge you wish to acquire. Hard work to gain experience and connections are just as good as currency (in the long-run).

Innovators and Unoriginal Marketers

The copy-paste mantra has becoming incredibly prevalent in affiliate marketing. So what’s wrong with ganking someone’s ads and landing pages? Well, for one, it hurts a real marketers feelings. For two, it’s not a long-term strategy for teh success.

But first, a fancy chart. As far as I know, this is the first post to involve a chart of any kind, so tell your friends “yo there be like charts and graphs and shit on PPC dot beezee.”

A Fancy Chart


Marketing vs. Copying

Don’t get me wrong – all marketers steal. For as long as there has been advertising, ideas have been “borrowed.” The difference between real marketers and straight-up fucking bums is the ability to take an idea and make it their own, or to spin it into something completely different. This does not mean just once – it means over time if you are making marketing your career (affiliate or otherwise.)

Copy pasting may work in the short-run, but it does not make you a better marketer, let alone a better human being you thieving fuck. If you aren’t sharpening your marketing skill set, well, you’re going to end up bringing a dull butter knife to a gun fight.


These are the folks that are responsible for the campaigns, ads, copy, and landing pages everyone else steals. They hustle hard and come up with ideas that most dare not think about, but once they are in the wild they do their best to defend their ideas from the vultures of affiliate marketing. If you are an innovator, you have a far better chance of defending your property (website, campaign or anything else) over someone who is stealing from others. Why? Because you have the data that no one else does when you were first to the party.

Innovators find the shit that works because they have gone through so many ideas – many of which do not work. No one bats a 1.000. We all have big plans that end up being total flukes, but in the long-run an innovative marketer will have more successful campaigns over a copy-paster.

And it is at this point, I will bash into your head the importance of testing. Tracking everything, and consistent split-testing is where you learn the most. Assholes guess, marketers test.


Now, there are definitely people that make money copy-pasting. But when everyone copies an idea or campaign – then it is not going to work.

This is the grey area between an original marketer and a bum. You see a lander, campaign, website idea, whatever and you decide you are going to use for your own financial gain. An innovator will take the idea, test new ideas against it, and find something that works better. Unoriginal clowns will copy the campaign or lander or whatever, and do nothing else but sit on their ass.

Those that borrow and make better become innovators. They learn from their mistakes and experiences, and learn what works and what does not from those that they borrow from.

A great example is the Coach series (PPC, CPV, etc… i wrote about it before). He was one of the first to bite Gauher’s shit – so he was successful in getting subscribers. But he didn’t separate himself with something new, so his status dived down into the Unoriginal, where proceeded to blast it to shreds.

Another example is the flog lander. When this shit was “outed” on an unnamed marketing forum, it worked for weeks and months just copy-pasting (being one of the first to know). But as more and more people jumped in, the margins slimmed and the competition rose – leaving a lot more people with a lot less profit. Fast money, even faster lawsuits and government involvement. If shit goes Oprah’s way, she’ll snatch that money right the fuck back.

The Unoriginal

Ah, the clowns of the affiliate marketing circus. These are the people waiting for a handout like bums on a street corner. They are vultures doing no thinking of their own, waiting for their prey to come into sight. The idiots waiting for something to be “outed” on your favorite affiliate marketing forum, or a juicy nugget to drop from their favorite affiliate blogger with their thumbs up their asses.

Here’s why copying something 100% without your own thinking does not work (in the majority of cases.) You are copying something that is a snap shot of an innovative marketers campaign. You have no idea if it is working at the time, but you toss it up hoping for the best anyway. You are taking one ad from an innovative marketer’s dozens of ads. You are stealing the one lander in an innovative marketer’s rotation of 6 landers that isn’t working. And if you don’t know shit about testing (what marketing really is), then you’re going to end up all sorts of fucked as you lose money. Then you go cry on wickedfire and everyone laughs at you.

This is not just for copy-pasting either. It’s true for the assholes that wait around thinking they will learn something from blogs and forums. If someone drops something that is easy and requires little brain work, expect every other tard to jump on it too. Have fun. These kind of ideas don’t come along very often either.

True innovation requires hard work (consistent testing) and during the process you learn what marketing really is. Taking the easy route requires no work, but gets you nowhere mentally and financially. There are plenty of great starting points on blogs and forums. A bum will take ideas and go no where. An innovator will see an idea for what it truly is, and add their own spin based on their experience.

Would you rather be the chump making 10% ROI (these are not pimp margins) copying other peoples shit, or the one who breaks new ground, and banks for months before anyone notices? Then dive into real marketing head first, instead of being that asshole that is always copying other peoples shit.

Dominos Pizza Sucks… STILL…

OH YEA! another post about the worlds worst pizza place.

Every since I’ve ordered pizza using there pizza tracker I’ve gotten emails. I definitely don’t want them since I never order from them anymore. Ok, no big deal… UNSUBSCRIBE… wait 10 days as mentioned in the CAN-SPAM act… keep getting emails… repeat process 5 times… keep getting fucking emails… *MONEY MAKING ALERT* Easy money making scheme. If you live in California order a pizza online then take videos & document unsubscribing and the failures of still getting emails. Then take them to small claims court. You will win. (I hope someone will do this so they will fix their system.)

EPIC failure… I ordered a pizza. XL I believe. I don’t remember the ‘inches’ size which dominos uses. but they used the Large size breadball to make the XL pizza. It was like fucking thin as shit & nasty as fucking hell. If i wanted to a pizza that tasted like it was made on saltine crackers I would have ordered it. SO… I call them… They explain to me they don’t get shipped the XL size bread balls. So they make the XL pizzas w/ the L breadball and somehow i’m supposed to be okay w/ that? Its fucking DOUGH… you know you’re short… maybe add a large and a small size bread ball together? So after this & the email saga & the last saga i’m 100% done w/ dominos…. or so I think…

Two days ago…. My room mate orders dinner. Doesn’t tell me what he ordered or where its from… you can guess where!?!?!? DOMINOS!!! They said it would be to our door in 45 minutes. After 1 hour of waiting he called them. They said the driver was just getting back and then would be right out. Its 2-3 miles down the road… It ended up taking 1 hour 55 minutes to deliver to us. WTF dominos WTF….