Listen Google

Google, this is a message to you.

Check this page if you’re logged into an active Gmail account. If you’re like me, you’ll see all these secondary connections.

What fuck is this shit?

Stop trying to be my fucking social network.

But first- I only found out about that social network bullshit from google because I was doing a search, and see this “Results from your social network” tidbit. So apparently Google is dropping in results from people that you’re connected to (by google’s standards though! – I got 2 one-night stands in my “social network.” wtfbbq?)

I seriously think that there are a few “go-getters” at Google, that want some of this social networking action.

Listen here fuckwads…

Google, you are a giant corporation. You need to stop slipping shit on your users. This is getting out of hand.

Just give us the shit we want. illegal music, torrents, other peoples content, and multiple repositories of our favorite fetish.

I don’t want to socially connect with anyone through Google. I want to use Google to find shit. Stick with helping people find shit. Not connecting me with long lost skanks.

And if you do want that “social network” aspect, don’t fucking force it on people. Like some creepy advance by a mouth-breathing affiliate, who has about 10 minutes till the roofies kick-in on his affiliate manager, but he can’t really contain himself.

Every company has to “launch” something, you know, at least make people aware that it’s coming. What was that called?

Oh yeah, opt-in.

You may call it BETA, but i call it forced entry. My rights are being violated, and my privacy fondled!

I want to use you for looking up the closest pharmacy and liquor store, furry porn, marijuana dispensary, and footprints of targets…. errrr websites! (for all the right reasons of course).

Stop trying to be my social network dickheads!

Wait!!! How did furry porn get in there? Oh no… it’s too late!!

NOOOOO IT’S TOO LATE! Google started giving me Tyler Cruz’s search results!

  • r3p1v

    yo did i get first comment?

  • I don’t have anything productive to comment, but I want to be listed first.

  • Your social circle as determined by Google is currently a blank slate.

    Google is not aware of any online content you have to share with your friends.

    I killed it 6 months ago when it first happened.
    Not cool of google

  • david

    it’s funny — i was just talking about this exact same shit tonight. i don’t give a FUCK what my friends are searching for in google, i dont want to share my fucking personal shit on google with my friends, i just want to fucking FIND WHAT IM LOOKING FOR.

  • That’s total BS dude. Google Buzz, this thing, all that crap needs to stop. If Google wants to be Facebook, they should just buy Facebook.

    Of course that would lead to a tear in the fabric of space/time so hopefully they won’t.

    • Beau

      That’s what I thought too, but a friend of mine brought up a good point. Remember when Google launched GChat? People weren’t so enthused about that, either. Now, though, they’ve managed to get a substantial user base.

      Google Buzz is pretty awful. Out of all my contacts, I think three people I know use it. That’s something like 2% of all my contacts.

  • Can’t believe you guys are falling for this.

    The above post is nothing more than barman trying to rank for furry porn.

    • Johnny the Doe

      Well, maybe and maybe not but we’ll know for sure when June traffic stats arrive.

  • I stopped using Gmail after i got banned from Adwords, don’t trust those shifty geeks

  • Edward

    Where’s the search on this raggedy motherfucker?

    Oh, found it.

  • What the fuck. This is even worse than Google Buzz.

  • Google is pretty worthless when it comes to social networks. And Facebook scares the crap out of them.

  • The free Gmail and Google Analytics are great, but I’ve been starting to pay for these just because I want Google to stay the fuck out my business.

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