So instead of writing more wrap-ups of Affiliate Summit, I’m just going to post any more funny stories I can remember. The shit was like 2 weeks ago and Affiliate Summit talk has died down. It’s a pain in the ass to write those wrap-up posts anyway so I’ll just write what’s going to me.
Flight Attendant Angers Scott Ritcher
I got on my plane at Denver International Airport and I pass by someone that looks awfully familiar. I look back and I say to myself, “Oh shit, that’s the high volume e-mail deployment guy from the Daily Show!” Now, I’ve never met Ritcher but if you’re reading this blog you probably know who he is.
Anyway, I’m sitting like 4-5 rows back, minding my own business. The flight attendant goes up to Mr. Ritcher and says, “Sir I’m going to have to store your jacket in the overhead compartment, this is going to be a full flight”
I’m looking at the back of his head, but I can tell his face is full of anger. He’s probably thinking “How is my jacket going to affect anything when it’s on my lap?”
Minutes later, the plane is ready to leave to Vegas. Clearly it is not a full flight, and flight attendant comes back and says, “Sorry sir, guess it’s not as full as I thought” and gives him his jacket back. Well, no shit. Point: Ritcher.
But it doesn’t end there. Ritcher is sitting in the exit row, and as you know this row requires special attention. As we are taxing out, she begins giving the people in her exit row instructions.
Attendant: “Now to sit in the exit row you have to be able to ….. Sir, You’re going to have to pay attention”
Ritcher probably rolls his eyes at this point.
The attendant continues, “You have to be able to lift 50lbs to be able to sit in an …” :: snaps fingers :: “Sir, I need your eyes on me!”
Did this broad just snap her fingers at him?! At this point I can tell Ritcher is furious. I just wanted to jump up, tackle the woman, and yell “DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE TALKING TO?! DON’T SNAP YOUR FINGERS AT HIM!”
Unfortunately, I didn’t because I didn’t want security beating me down. But it would have been funny to be Ritcher’s knight in shining armor. I am confident this man needs no saving.
Get Your Fucking Chihuahua Off of Me Mystery
Some ass that made a living giving girls false hope showed up at the Advaliant Party. You may know him as Mystery. I know him as the guy who is empty inside, compensating for a lost childhood, wearing giant furs to “peacock” some bitches.
Anyway, Smax and I are standing by the bar because Smax wants to buy me a drink. If I recall correctly the drinks were free. But it’s the thought that counts, especially since that area of the mansion was full of people and it was impossible to get a drink in any decent amount of time. It was impossible for us to move, and wouldn’t you know, this Mystery character is right next to me when I turn around.
I keep trying to move away, but his giant chihuahua fur follows me every inch. The thing was all up in my face, and I’m just looking at him like “What the fuck man, get this thing away from me!” Of course I try not to be an ass and I don’t say that out loud. But the coat did make me sneeze, so I sneezed right on that motherfucker.
Allegedly him and a few affiliates went to some club, where he was sitting in a corner by himself. That’s not much of a pimp game for a man who has his own fucking show about macking to girls. I guess most women are on to his game and don’t need that kind of sleeze in their lives.
Affiliate Summit Good Times
I met a ton of people at Affiliate Summit, most of whom I can’t remember. If i saw your face on your blog or something then yes I recognized you and will remember you. If I don’t remember you at next affiliate summit don’t feel bad, I am just too popular.
But of course, there are a few people that stand out above the rest.
Barman Meets Ryan Eagle
Ryan Eagle is a legend in the affiliate marketing industry. If you don’t have Money Hoes Cars Clothes running through your head all day long, you ain’t no affiliate worth talking to.
Allegedly Ryan Eagle and I got a lap dance at the same time from those filthy who-ares at the Copeac Party. Also allegedly, Dullspace and Mike from Firelead played Blackjack with Ryan Eagle, who was dropping $100 chips like they were on fire.
Barman Meets Andrew Wee
I finally met my BFF of internet marketing blogging super stars. It was the best 60 seconds of my life.
Affiliate Summit Disappointments
Barman Does Not Meet Zac Johnson and John Chow
What can I say, this was the biggest downer of the whole conference. I really wanted to talk shop with these guys, and get the latest tips on selling out your blog.
Clearly these guys were above us when it came to parties and shit. I only spent like 3 hours at the whole conference and I never saw these fools walking around. Didn’t see them at any parties, likely cause they were scared for their lives meeting a bunch of wickedfire clowns. Oh well, there’s always next year.